Posted in Poetry, Prose, Relationships

A Book, She Read

A book
worn and used
as if its time were in
broken, its back was,
broken, as if it resided
upon a certain page,
reflecting a certain passage,
as we once lay together,
rising up, looking back
telling me, the time was fading
our time,
placing a bookmark,
where she wrote,
what she felt,
what she knew,
the book, being nothing
like it was in its past,
lost was it,
lost in some box, on a shelf, alone
reading it, one day
while thinking of her,
why she went away,
-our time, being
not lasting, yearning
longing after, searching,
finding, expressing, relaxing
in your arms,
the past called,
return must I, alone
without, denying, regretting,
sorrowful,
marking the page
explanations and such
mere words, cannot express
cannot explain, why
why even I lack the answers

Gone was she
with nary a word,
the tears I cried
a river, a flood,
missing you, anger
regret, denial, rebirth
complacency,
longing for your touch
longing to hear your voice,

away, away
gone for a while
a half lifetime, perhaps
unfinished business
an unfinished life

while you read
these words, my words
think of me, won’t you
the smallest request
the only part of me
I never would find again,
without you….

Posted in Poetry, Prose, Relationships

Paper Thin Thoughts

It’s not easy
finding things to give you
I want, I thought, I did
all wants that became
something else, at least
thought of for you,

bits of colored paper
reds, purples, yellows
all cut in various forms
showing the different people
we are inside

I wanted the silvers
and the golds, but found only
the blacks, oranges and shiny
foils

I guess, it is not always easy
finding the richness in things
but other colors, the daily routines
suffice just as well,

My scissors
tried to cut your name, and mine
but the y’s continued to become v’s
and the me’s and the you’s didn’t quite fit
together,

I thought of gluing them
overlapping our thoughts
of being together, but the end product
never was as pure as before

Finally, I found the golds
but not wanting them to dominate
I chose not the largest piece, but rather
one a bit more modest, showing
what you might expect
being with me

My paper-thin thoughts
and scissor sharp intentions
of making this present special
seem at times, to be lost in a myriad
of jumbles, which I call my mind thoughts,

Still, being the most special
the often thought about
the many colors and shapes
the shiny foil impressions
that remind me of you….

Posted in Poetry, Prose, Relationships

Passwords

Not even to me
reveal, would she
the password
the key,
the only phrase
the code,
a momentary flight
of fantasy,
a passing thought
an admission of guilt

unlocking
the key to her heart
guarded by charms
and wishes,
what she dreamed of
as a child,
saving her dreams
wishing for someone
to unlock the door
to break her code
to say the magic words,

a passing thought
a momentary lapse
of memory
a phrase, murmured in the night
the touch, demanding more
than the pleasure of one night
just one night,
just one night,

Not even to me
reveal, would she
something guarded,
cherished, protected
warned about, fought dearly for

Not even to me….

Posted in Poetry, Prose, Relationships

Grasping

The feathers
that defined my sleep
were heavy when my dreams
were bound in chains and weighted stones
waiting for your response

My restless nights, giving way to
aching days, not able to grasp the life
that you once gave me, when you
graced my life, and yet,

I wrote and wrote, until my hands were raw
with the pens and pencils, littering the floors
of my empty halls and lonely night rooms

My letters wanted to do you justice, but I failed
and cast them against my mind walls, and watched
as they sailed out of my wind whipped window curtains
flying away in the breeze, the one that followed you
as you left my life, the hollowness and shallowness
that expands through each day, since you
left me,

“Write me again” your words echoed in my mind halls
taunting and teasing me to come and join you
but searching, I did, and more until
I gave up, panting and wasted upon the trails
and the traces of your last footsteps
your last imprints of what followed me
in my dreams and more,

I threw the blankets and hid my head in the pillow
which wanted to strangle me, and take my life
for without you dearest, my days became nights
became days again, without rest, or want of eating
for nothing seemed worthwhile anymore,
nothing could compare to your words, and your life
and the essence that you showered over me, as if
a desert had entrenched itself in my heart, squeezing the water of life out of my reach, until your waters
your waters nourished me home again,

Awaken! I heard you shout, as if my life depended on it,
and thrashing about, and fighting off the sleep demons,
who tore and ripped at my soul, my eternal soul, waiting
to hear your voice once again,

As I lay there, bathed in sweat with the last vestiges of my dreams
escaping into mists, disappearing into the darkened halls of my subconscious, waiting for the light to seep into my mind once again,

You lay there, as if your dreams were made of fabric, silken and waving in the sweet nighttime breezes of your dreamworld,

I gathered my wits about me, and reached out to touch your skin
but that too was an evil dream, with you, vanishing in the morning light,

My resolve notwithstanding was not shaken as I again began to write to you, gathering the pencils and pens that had been strewn about on my floor, reminding me of something
close, but moving far away, quickly as if it never existed,

Dearest. As I take my pen in hand, I wish you the best of all things. If those things could include me, and my shortcomings, then I would give you the earth and the sky to gain your favors again,

My dreams will remain my own, as they only reflect the emptiness
that encompasses my life, since you went away

Since you went away…..

Posted in Poetry, Prose, Relationships

She Said, I Want

Want, have, wish
what do girls really think?
Sometimes, I think, I know
but I am a fool into thinking
so,

“I want you”,
she told me
the you that is perfect
the you that showers me
with treasures, with hopes

But she gets, in the end
the me,
that says the wrong
that does the wrong
talking before thinking
doing without caring
being
well, just being the man
I am,

I want, I like the way, what you do

what I did, that one time
what I didn’t, all the other times

The dream of a girl
wanting, dreaming, hoping
the knight of her days
fading into the mist
the grey likes, the not quite
black or white likes,

What if?
what if, she got what she desired?
would I live up to expectations
dreams of passion, caring, thoughtful
careless, self-centered, selfish, ignorant

My many qualities,
both good and bad
not often the latter
spoken in the same light
of the former

Take me
I’m yours…..

Posted in Poetry, Prose, Relationships

Blur

She went by me
in somewhat of a
blur
not any discernible
effect,
nor any passing
scent,
I sensed
someone who brushed
my cheek,
caught me by the arm
turned me around
face to face,
speaking,

She was something
of a blur
not anything clear,
nor concise
not anything I could put
my finger on,

She was getting clearer
though
closer, closer yet
an arm’s length
the feel of her breath
on my skin
my vision cleared
like skies after a rain

the fresh air
enveloped me

she
enveloped me

and rang out
clear as a
bell….

Posted in Poetry, Prose, Relationships

Breaking Up

She hid my coffee
while I hid
her tablet
“that was the first straw
she said,”

She smashed my glasses
while I
I sent her an invitation
a romantic night out-
-cancelled due to indifference

She tried to make me jealous
with her sometimes boyfriend
while I taunted her
with an idea of me being married

We chased each other
through the rooms
yelling and shouting
denying any feelings
denying any further contact
between us

She and I
had it out at last
using the fighting room
to do the deed

“What”, she yelled
“what are you doing this for?”

I replied, “to break up
to break up, if we had been together
that is”

“I knew it, somehow”, she said
“I knew you would break my heart,
if you ever chanced to do so,”

“Yes, I said
that is the kind of guy
you don’t want to mess with”

Then we sat down
and ate a nice meal
wondering what it would be like

to be together….

Posted in Poetry, Prose, Relationships

Finding You

Someone
I knew
once when I
younger was,
Finding you
not an easy task
time stretches, stumbles
clouds my memory
of you,
and me, being who
we were, back then
living for
driving furiously, wanting
wanting nothing more
no one other than who
who we were back then,
time was on our side, but
we wasted time, precious time
time to learn, time to argue
time to love, what love could mean
what it meant to us,
star-crossed lovers, lacking
well, lacking a plan to make
things work, being different
being the same, disagreeing
not a common course of thought,
passions aflame, misunderstanding
silence between us, the making up
the breaking up
my anger, your distress,
we tried and tried
again and again,
success obtained, lost again,

Someone, I knew
when I younger, was
finding you, losing you
things have changed now
being older, wiser, no regrets
not being able to find you,
sorry, I couldn’t love you
like you deserved, no regrets

Someone
I was looking for

Posted in Coffee, Prose, Relationships

Her Name, I Wrote

Existing
on a slip of paper
a mere scrap
stained with my
morning coffee
from my paper cup
outside of the small
café,
where I waited for someone
to pass by,

She became someone
since no one else chanced
to ask me for directions
and smile encouraging
at me,

I just stood there,
a crushed coffee cup
dangling from
my hand,
speechless, staring
at how someone
not just anyone,
could steal my gaze
and most likely
break my heart
all at the same time!

All that I could say
utter, grunt, whisper
in a hoarse voice
was to ask for her name,
allowing it to grace
my slip of paper
a mere scrap

So elegantly
was it written
my coffee cup
having fallen
littering the ground
upon which she also
had chanced to be on.
and then
bending down was she, picking
up that paper cup
smiling at me
as if she already
had known my name
and it pleased her

Her name, I wrote
a name that I never would
forget,

Her name, which now
resides
beside my own
while I sipped my coffee
in its paper cup
and I,

I sat considering
those two words
while I drank
my coffee,

Smiling in the same way
she had smiled
at me…