Your Photograph

The one defining moment
the one second of time
when we together
were

Your photograph
taken,
when life was as it should have
been
not as it has become,

The one instant
when you turned towards me
not expecting,
not expecting,

That one short breath
your hand touching mine
for the first time, the very first time
that one deciding moment,

Your photograph
painting a picture in my mind
not being able to
not wanting to remember you
other than what I remember
you to be

That one photograph
now being lost to time
search I did
endlessly, retracing my steps
there where we met,
that photograph
that moment
now lost,

I see now, what I failed to before
the moments that define
the moments that put words on
this existence,
like photographs existing
an eternity in that second
never-ending, never changing

My photograph
of you,

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Attention Get Her

Would I could I
should I ask her
will she, won’t she
would I have the courage
to?

The time spent
never wasted
the down and dirty
letter-written waste of time
never read, always on the phone
when I called to ask
to ask her,

Attention get her
when I climbed the walls
the ivy-clad walls,
the smoke trail from the airplane made me
cough,
attacking the balloon man
never enough balloons with “love” on
them,

Never enough with love on them

I painted my name on her step
I washed her car, I shined her shoes
the cable guy tuned in my message
for $50, when she in the shower
was,

I pounded on her door,
the police knew my name,
I ranted and raved, I called her
wrote her, texted her until my fingers
bled,

No network connection available

Paper airplanes bounced off her windows
while kites scrambled the telephone
lines,
I lie under her window while she watered
her plants,
I peeked into her letter box, I questioned
the neighbors
I hounded her parents until they cried
wolf

Wolf

The police know me, they tracked me down
threw me into the squad car.

The siren! The siren, I cried.
Then she will see, hear me
once and for all

The curtains fluttered
then opened a crack
then wide-open threw her
her picture, framed in my mind,

My goodness, she is pretty
almost as pretty as the woman

I thought she was
but wasn’t was

just wasn’t was

But pretty was she
all the same…..

When He Asks You

When he asks you
his wife to be
where would I, could I
be?

There was room for me
once in your life
when all of the times
rough and cruel
when you a friend, needed
someone like me,

When he falls upon his knee
and takes your hand in his
where should I stand?

Off to one side, in the shadows
face turned away, stifling a sob
the first well-wisher
the first to congratulate
no one to offer their condolences
to me?

Thinking only of myself
thinking that I only
would have caught your eye,
or turned your fancy

If I could make you, force you
to admit, to look me in the eyes
to tell me that
to tell me that

You never loved me,
never just once,
but forcing your hand, now
but forcing the truth, makes me

It makes you want to pity me
who I am, what I was
a friend lost, a jealous one not
ever having the courage
not ever falling upon my knee

Taking your hand
saying goodbye
with all other goodbyes contained
I lost my love, I lost my chance
I waited too long,

Too long,

When he asks you
finally,
when he asks you to be his
forever,
when he pledges his love, his life
to yours,

Where will I be?

Giving and Taking

What we give to each other
what we take
what comprises our complexities
what defines our frailties

I cherish the time
the seconds turned minutes
this section of my life
my youth fading, lost gone
my twilight years
spent,

We enjoy each others company
whether said, or unsaid
the times, the experiences
the richness we bestow upon each other
and what we reserve for ourselves,

We give of ourselves, hoping
to enrichen others,
sending a part of, that which comprises
that which implores others to listen
to learn, to enjoy,

I take what I need
from the grace of others
not always aware of such things
in the lesser part of this greater substance
called life,

I am amazed by the subtleties
that which we all possess, in which
some being able to translate their gifts
to give to others, to give to others,

A friendship
one consisting of more than just words
running, diving under the surface
turning somersaults in the air
bursting with joy, laughing, then crying
all of the emotions that define us
all of that which makes this life worth
living,

Giving and taking
neither just the one, nor the other
being there, not always,
just existing as an idea, a wish
one that draws us together without
without having all of the intentions
no, not necessarily the touch of
a lover’s hand, nor the caress of a cheek
against mine,

Giving and taking
listening and reacting
walking silently, yelling in discontent
waving away the injustices, the sadness
warming the moment with a virtual hug

Our time
our words
what we give to each other
what we take from one another

Our time
together….

Uncompromisingly Simple

It seems, I’ve grown tired
tired with endless
arguments
never winning, nor losing

But we can do it
if you please,

I’ve walked and run about
thinking and brooding
about
About you and I and
why

Why are we still worrying about
it,
why are we not doing something about
it?

I’m tired of all the others
the reasons for and against
the countless sleepless nights
the countless times I’ve tried

Oh how I’ve cried about it
and I’ll probably have to lie about it
but why, oh why?

And if you say yes,
then,

Why make something so simple
why make something so obvious
why continue to run away from it
stop it and face it, yell it and shake it

Why aren’t we together
why not then, why not now

I just can’t get it straight in my head
anymore,
I just can’t get it out of my thoughts
anymore,

It seems so uncompromisingly simple
it seems as if,
I can’t stand it anymore
if you, if we don’t,

Why aren’t we together
why not then, why not now,
right now, here beside me,
why am I still writing about it
why aren’t you here to stop me

And if you say yes,
then….

Gone Lost

My love, my love
why have you gone lost
what have I said
what have I done,

why have you gone lost?

My love, my love
the letters to you
written, pondered upon
worried about, most perfect
they must be
most perfect for you,

My love, my lost love
my only, truth
my only life
the one you gave to me
the one you shared with me,

My love, my love
why have you gone lost
I’ve searched and searched
the pathway to your heart
the forest road
under the elm tree
our names carved thus

only mine remaining,

My love, my love
How bitter the taste
of life without
without your sweetness
without your tenderness
without the look
the look, I knew

My love, my love
Calling out to you
wherever you be
wherever you fare

Take me with you
to the end of your road

Take me with you
to the end of my time

My love, my love
sitting here, wondering
why and how, I came to lose
my one and only

My one being you
alone now, just

Alone being just
me….

Breaking Up

We divided up
our photographs taken
those are yours
these are mine,

Look. See how you are smiling
then,
just not smiling
now,

She wasn’t in the mood
not now, anyway
she wanted, I wanted
but in the end,
we wanted different things
it seems,

We tossed and sorted
the piles grew, mine larger
hers smaller,
I wanted to remember
where we went, what we did
she just wanted
out,

I could always burn them later
I said
A rousing bonfire of memories
the warmth, the times past
keeping the flames alive
just a moment more,

She tossed her pile into a box
sporting no name, subjected
to the elements,
shoved into her car,
unceremoniously,
nothing left to quotation marks
or, exclamation points,

I placed mine, gently
wrapped in soft linens,
protected from the cold, the wet
the cruelty of life
I wanted, I wanted

Not everything in this life
not even if I wanted it the most
not even if I had pleaded for
another chance
another way to find

another chance

Breaking up has divided our lives
forcing me to cut her out of
my photo album
causing me to remove her name
every time I would utter those words
aloud to others

Her and I
became
just me,

We divided up
our photographs taken
those are yours
these are mine,

I cherished them
nurtured them
I would do anything to keep them
safe
I would do anything to keep her
safe in my arms

A photograph of her would be fitting
next to my bed
reminding me of something I once
something I used to

Something only left
in a photograph

of us two…

Doubtful Intentions

We both wanted you,
he did so
to keep you from others
like me, but I

Were my intentions more grand
more pure than his would ever be?

He wanted you for himself
a trophy
someone to brag about
to say that you two were
an item
a happening
a life together

I wanted you for you
but my intentions were cloudy
and hidden
I wanted to capture your feelings
from him
I wanted to have to hold
but my intentions seemed doubtful
at best,

Which of the two was the best?
who would desire you most
for that what you were, instead of
what they/we wanted for us
for us,

The point being moot
as he has you still
I have the thought of something
else

but what would you want
who would you choose?

Along, Along

Along the tree-lined byways
along the flowers adorned
along the pathways
where I walked together with you,

Along the wind-swept coastlines
along the busy streets
along the darkened byways
where we danced, where we loved

Along the lines of age
along the ways of love
along the softness of your skin
where we loved each other until the dawn,

Along this stretch of lifetime
along these seconds long
along these breaths I take
where our hands and hearts clasped

Along the quiet moments
along the endless days
along the endless nights
where I loved, where you loved

Along this entire lifetime
along with someone like you
along with all, we’ve known
where we lived, where we lived

And when this journey is over
and when we take a walk
and when we pass into eternity

and when we take that walk
and when we are together

never to part
never to part

Along the tree-lined byways
along the flowers adorned
along the pathways
where I walked together with you,

where I walked this life together
with you…

with you