She told me, I wasn’t doing it right. Women today. They know what they want. Know what I mean? They’ve been talking to their friends, hearing how their husbands, boyfriends do it, and they want it as well.
Press there, just hard enough, but gently, forcibly, but not too much so, if only you did, what you did before, there, yes, but not like you have done the time when it didn’t feel right!
I didn’t keep a running record of what I did, when, and how, if she seemed to be happy about that? I suppose, I could have had a questionnaire which could have been completed after each time, I we. Nope. I really don’t think that would have gone over well, but it might have saved me some time, when if the next time were to come?
I tried asking my friends, then hers, but they seemed oblivious to my intentions. Were there really so many problems in our relationship, that I had to ask others for advice? No. No and no. Now I’ll be in the doghouse with her, when she discovers I’ve sought advice elsewhere. I’ve tried asking her, you see. Keeping our situation at home, between our own four walls, but it was as if she mocked my attempts at improving my techniques.
“I might as well as the upstairs neighbor, if he can assist me in my search for perfection” what she told me one day, while we enjoyed a cup of coffee out on the veranda. I wasn’t sure if he would climb down the downspout, or would he just show up at the front door, displaying his wares for all the world to see?
I really believed, I could be better, if only I had learned the right techniques. I wouldn’t want her to seek outside help, if I couldn’t execute my duties as her husband, the sole provider of her well-being and happiness.
Before I threw in the towel, I consulted a few online resources. They came up with some good advice, but I lacked some good old “hands-on” experience. I asked the single girl next door to help me, as she professed to have mastered all the newest ways, and types, without judging my inaccuracies as someone lacking in this area of expertise.
That night, armed with all my newest knowledge, and the memory of what the next-door neighbor did and showed me, I was ready to try it out on my lover, my wife. I made a romantic candlelight dinner before showing her what my endeavors had done for me, her.
She seemed to hold her breath, when I tried pressing, turning, and otherwise taking great care in my actions. She began to breath heavily, almost squealing with delight, when I showed her how adept I was with my newfound ways of the world. She wrapped her arms around me and gave me the biggest kiss, I could remember from recent times.
It goes to show you what new techniques in the art of making your partner happy, can be had after having mastered how to separate the different colored clothing into the various temperature settings, and performing a perfect wash load by pressing, turning, caressing the right buttons, at the right time.
If I can do it, anyone can….