Attention Get Her

Would I could I
should I ask her
will she, won’t she
would I have the courage

The time spent
never wasted
the down and dirty
letter-written waste of time
never read, always on the phone
when I called to ask
to ask her,

Attention get her
when I climbed the walls
the ivy-clad walls,
the smoke trail from the airplane made me
attacking the balloon man
never enough balloons with “love” on

Never enough with love on them

I painted my name on her step
I washed her car, I shined her shoes
the cable guy tuned in my message
for $50, when she in the shower

I pounded on her door,
the police knew my name,
I ranted and raved, I called her
wrote her, texted her until my fingers

No network connection available

Paper airplanes bounced off her windows
while kites scrambled the telephone
I lie under her window while she watered
her plants,
I peeked into her letter box, I questioned
the neighbors
I hounded her parents until they cried


The police know me, they tracked me down
threw me into the squad car.

The siren! The siren, I cried.
Then she will see, hear me
once and for all

The curtains fluttered
then opened a crack
then wide-open threw her
her picture, framed in my mind,

My goodness, she is pretty
almost as pretty as the woman

I thought she was
but wasn’t was

just wasn’t was

But pretty was she
all the same…..


To All of My Friends

To all of my friends,
acquaintances, neighbors
and the odd man on the street
who attended my annual birthday bash
yesterday, last night/this morning/
still in progress,

I wish to apologize for any/and/all
inappropriate/not politically correct/
totally out of place
comments/innuendos/odd remark/slap on the incorrect/correct body part/-that might have been made by the incorrect/correct/one in a million kind of a guy/your next door neighbor who attended
this local event,

Some people, but not all of them present/past present/ future present/and those who wanted to be counted as present, but were denied entry at the door by a gorilla-clad security guard,
would be wise in remembering just why it was necessary for
undue nudity/totally embarrassing nudity/partially-clad, OMG don’t remove that piece of clothing, are you mad?/ incidents which caused some of the neighbors, most likely them not present/them not in the loving arms of their “assumed” wife/those who once were proud to call themselves neighbors, but have attained a higher sense of Nirvana, after attending the party last night!
-to call for the police/your wife/wives/Homeland Security/the local Pastor of your Bible Congregation to protest vigorously that the cream cheese dip didn’t match the amount of chips present, thus causing an imbalance in the lop-sided nature of the kitchen, with the hecklers on the one side, and the Vegans on the other,

I assure you/all you/you all/ most of you who still want to recognize my face in a crowd/are totally indifferent to my words/my wife present/wives past present, and any/all future perfect wives, who don’t exist in this time-line continuum no matter how many episodes of Star Trek they/you/all of them/none of them/German subjunctive forms 1, 2 and 3
that I will be celebrating next year’s party on a new date, which may or may not have occurred after having read this apology!

In that case, thanks for your participation/past and present…..

Too Many Cigarettes

Too much coffee
too much loving
too much sugar
too much insanity
-when you threw a chair at me
too much wonder
too few sunsets
too many cigarettes
too many thoughts of you two
too many thoughts of just me
too many fleas on my dog
too many toos in this poem
too few letters written by me
to you…..

Freeze Him Out!

I told her

“Stay away from him
deny him your pleasures
be wary of his advances,
don’t fall for his lies,”

Stick close by me,
I’ll protect you

Speak your mind,
once and for all!

Oh, by the way
when he comes home
for dinner,

I’ll be right behind you
in the next room
with the door locked
on the inside,

-when you tell him, what we think
about him….

Guys and Words

I’ve been considering a few nicely, crafted words to use, if/when the next moment of passion hits me. I know from personal experience that words seem to come easy, when the situation feels right, but in all haste, the wrong word is expressed instead. Women tend to want to talk about their feelings, which I am not opposed to, but having the correct word at the correct time, is essential for us guys.

Just think about “I Love”. That might refer to the heated action of a sporting event, or a racy sport’s van with “Miss I Wouldn’t Think Those Thoughts, If I Were You” was draped over the hood, being fastened securely by Velcro and Duct Tape, while smiling in the process.

What might be more appropriate, than the use of “I Love”?

I might just say that “My hens are satisfied with their laying boxes”, which most women would want to interpret in ways that either would stir their passions to the boiling point, or douse them with a bucket of icy, cold water!

You know how it is, being in the throes of passion, your mind empty for other thoughts than those devilish words, that just a few seconds later will, will be changing your life on this planet forever?

Here is my partial list of one-liners at times like those:

  1. My weather vane, or Girouette if you prefer French, is telling me that good weather is passing our way!
  2. The underestimation of daily use of foot powder, was the chief cause of the demise of the Roman Empire!
  3. I love the way you simulate sleep, after my time-tried moves of passion!
  4. I want to spend all of my waking hours organizing your shoe trees!

I’d wait to use number 4, until you get to know the girl better. You never know, what raw emotions, you might awaken with spicy thoughts like that….

Considering Wallpaper

My walls are bare
not just a little,
but glaringly naked,
I considered wallpaper
and a girl I know
at the same time,
would she accept my naked thoughts
of her wrapped in wallpaper
actuating her feminine form, or
should I just give her a quick coat of paint
and shut the lights off
to hide the blemishes and cracks?

Not Satisfied this Spring

The English House Sparrows
sitting on the bird feeder
are not satisfied
this Spring,

There is nothing more frustrating
than an empty bird feeder
which had been filled,
eaten ravenously
by dozens of English House Sparrows
waiting patiently somewhere
in Northern Denmark
in the Spring,

– Now I’m afraid
to venture outside
to refill the bird feeder
with seeds and the like
for fear that dozens and more
English House Sparrows
are lying in wait for one who thought
that those tiny birds used to look
so nice

Very hungry, dissatisfied, frustrated
English House Sparrows

in the Spring

not nice anymore….


Twisting her hair
around her finger
strands falling
upon the beach where I lay
thunderous, the sky grew
darker and threatening
lightning flashed and streaked
her hair, in torrents of colors
while I was taken aback
encased in her moody whims
of yet another hair style
gone bad…..

Activist Intentions

To whom it may concern:
The Union Meeting tonight of which I
will be attending, concerning
pertinent matters with my other
activist buddies, will begin
with a discussion about
Socialist Activism in
non-Communist teachings
rooted in the inequality of
seating arrangements
at the dinner table,
I look forward
to a robust panel discussion
with possible ejection
of certain rogue elements
who despise our
Democratic Principles, and policy of