Strong Sunlight

The strong sunlight
streaming through
my mind’s window
dazzled,
the strong glare
blinded me
in the stabbing light
of your brilliance
leaving but a shadow behind
with the name
that was mine alone

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Past Tense

writing
in past tense
is a wonderful way
to reflect
on things, having been
or things, never were
I was, I did
I didn’t
I wished, I could have
I wanted to
I chose not to,
I almost said
but caught myself
before saying something

I couldn’t take back
even, if I wanted to

Kicking a Stone

Kicking a stone
along the road
one of many, leading
along many stones,
Looking up, I saw
the blue in the sky
not any particular shade
nor hue, or slice
a slice of blue, carved
with my knife, sitting eating
a sunny day’s lunch, napkin
tucked, fork, knife spoon,
the table set for two, but I
was alone, contemplating
the road stones, the blue hues
and my missing luncheon companion,
Kicking a stone
not large or small,
not round, nor flat,
the stones flying upon my table
landing on my plate
ready to be sliced
into thin slices of blue hues,
with my napkin tucked in
my shirt, pressed and white
enjoying a conversation
with myself,
“Try them” I told myself
as I bit into the soft centers
of my blue hue stones, waiting
for someone to sit across from me,
elegantly dressed, waiting for
someone like me
to cut a piece of the sky……..

Painting a Picture

Painting a picture
just not being very
good, at doing
The colors won’t
cooperate, and I want
to blame someone else
than me,
My true talent
for painting, it seems
is painting outside
of the lines
that don’t exist
in the first place

The Affair

Wasn’t it, an affair after all?
wasn’t it behind the backs
of those who trusted and
believed in us,
those who thought that
they were the only ones,
while we lay in each others arms
you looked up
as if a shadow at the window
crossed your face, revealing
the deception and the lies
I was certain, the truth was only
ours alone, while everyone else
lived their mundane lives, working
striving for something that we had found
-with each other,
You sighed a heavy sigh, trying to break free
of my loving embrace, wiping a tear away
not wanting me to see you
not wanting me to leave you,
We promised one another
not to think of others and plans made
of lives together,
our lives together…
It was never to be like the first time again
the first thrill, the passion
sweeping you up in my arms and carrying you-
-carrying you away from your troubles
and mine, creating new ones
ones that were even more difficult to solve

Our affair was never to be
that romantic evening,
seen together in public
meeting each others families

Making plans
telling others

no more tears for you
no more tears for me….

The Sea Air

The sea air
reddened
my cheeks
tiring my eyes,
If I closed them
now,
would I awaken
in another place?
Just another
dry dock existing
in my past?
My sea legs
wobbled
as I fought to keep
my eyes open,
lest I fell
onto dry land
again,
The sea air bit, and tore
at my salty memory,
When I again awoke
my lips tasted
of brine,
and I stared
out of the window
to my much drier past….

Wagering

Wagering
she would accept
the gambling ways
of my heart,
betting, setting the stakes,
high, let the chips fall
where they may,
Shuffling the deck
my joker faces smiling
as she folded and smirked
her fortune, in misfortune
when her luck turned
the day we met

Another gamble
with love

The Mountains High

The mountains high
called to me
raising my
consciousness
to a level
not unlike
the airy spires
the granite faces
deepening the fall
the last gasp
over the edge
my mind fell
but I,
I saved myself
the fall
didn’t come
as I sought
the top
the pinnacle
of my quest

searching still

Cut the Rope, She Yelled…

I stood there, against the cliff face, holding on to dear life and limb. She was underneath me, somewhere out of sight, the rope that held us both alive, was breaking one strand at a time.

“Cut the rope!”, she yelled to me.

“Save yourself!”

“Don’t think about me!”

How could I not think about her? Such a dilemma. Sink or swim, and without knowing how to do the latter. “She loves me, she loves me not”. That other woman didn’t mean anything to me….

Why would those thoughts go through my head right now? Why not think of the good times, the loving times, our future together?

Why not that?

“You can’t keep holding on. Cut the rope, and save yourself!”

Save myself? Why would I want to do that? Why would I want to continue living, without her?

The sky had darkened, as the wind whipped around my hands, chafing them more than the sharp edges of the rope that bound us together. If only….Perhaps if I yelled for help….?

Who would help us now? It was just us two in a sea of humanity, with them not knowing of us or our problems. “Would you accept help, if it were offered to you?” She used to ask me, when times seemed tough, with there being no way out, not that we could see, anyway. “Do you think there is a chance, for us?” No counselor could save us from ourselves. No rope was strong enough to hold the both of us, “I pull, but you push…Why can’t we pull in the same direction?”

Why couldn’t we do that?

I adjusted my position leaning a bit more against the rock face, making sure not to let any more slack out, lest the rope decided at that moment to snap completely. “What are you waiting for?” She yelled once again. “Why would you hesitate?”

Why indeed?

My hands seemed to be frozen around the rope, my white knuckles matching the thin woven strands that joined my life to hers.

Life in a single, fragile strand…

I bit my lower lip in order to know if I were still alive, or if my mind was hanging on to a distant memory, while I fell over the edge to the depths below. Did I see her? When the rope finally broke, tumbling me over the precipice. Was that her, I saw as the end came closer? Was it her worried face, or satisfied grin that occupied the last nanoseconds of my fading existence?

I don’t believe, she ever wanted things to come this far. A part of me wanted to remember how we were in the beginning, before the kids came, and the house payments, unending. She and I used to talk about our lives together, our starting-out lives, when things seemed much simpler and uncomplicated.

I had another girlfriend, when I was just starting out in life. She told me that if, during childbirth, the question came to saving her, or the baby, I would have to choose the life of the child over her. What a choice to make.

“My hands have gone numb” She called out from below. “I can’t feel anything, anymore”.

That was it, wasn’t it? Not being able to feel anything, anymore. I hated to think that things had come so far that we only had one choice before us, the literal rock and a hard place. This was, though, different. Way different. Now it was the rocks which were keeping her alive, for a few minutes more. Alive to continue with the way that she smiled, and laughed. I loved the way she giggled over the silliest of things. Trivialities and less than that.

Another strand started to unravel. I couldn’t stem the tide, nor stop the icy winds from blowing. All of my entwined hopes, were unraveling before my eyes, no time to waste, no time at all.

Suddenly the rope slackened, as if her weight had disappeared from its grasp.

“I’ve found a new foothold” she cried up to me. “I think, I can hold on this time!”

I dared not release my grasp. What if it were a ruse? A way to make me give in and up? What if she had unfastened herself from her tethers, expecting me to do the same, finishing the job once and for all….

“Can you see me now?” She called out from below. I tried to fasten the rope on an outcrop of rock, allowing me to peer over the edge, where our destiny lay.

“Yes!” I cried out. “Yes, I can see you now” said while lying flat on the ground, reaching out my hand towards hers. The numbness disappearing along with the thoughts of us meeting our fates, our lost hopes.

A chance became us, and encompassed us. Casting away all doubt with its questionable strengths and weaknesses.

“You didn’t let go” She sobbed, while we held each other at last. “You believed in us, didn’t you?”

Yes. I believed in us. Despite the doubts and other thousand thoughts that rolled through me head in those few moments that we were apart, I still believed in us.

-Stronger than any rope

-Any day…..

 

The Words We Use

The words we use
are never enough
to express what lies
behind a smile,
the thought of which
created by such
a random thought
of someone who just
invaded my thoughts
on a cloudless day
the breezes blew,
the birds sang, while I
hummed a tune, of someone
who crossed my mind’s street
and paused in the intersection
chancing fate, that I
didn’t turn my head, ignoring
who was coming at me,
and in that instant, I called out
to an idea, which had been mine
for an endless time of thoughts
and dreams, which seemed never
to reach my consciousness in time,
waking with a smile, made me wonder
what lay behind her smile muscles
waiting for this moment to break out?
The words we use, are never enough
to say what we feel, what needs to be said
at the right moment in time, when everything
feels right, and all the emotions are in place
with what you want, and what I want being
what determines which words to use,

The right words saying
the right things, what
we want them to say….