Not Misunderstanding the S-Word

Some of you might have wondered when the Guy Dictionary would be coming to the good stuff? Well, for some of you that time has finally come, but for others, you will have to re-read what the L-word really means, and ponder that for a long while.

The S-word is one of those that comes to us, sooner or later, and in my case it was the latter later, rather than the sooner, sooner. No, I am not babbling here for fun and profit, but remember that the L-word and the S-word are often used in the same breath, or at least when you think you are using the correct word at the correct time.

Here is an example. You have taken her to dinner, and having been very careful not to drip gravy down your shirt, or shoot an olive pit into her cleavage, then the emotions begin to boil, or perhaps it is the chili salami, and you are confronted with the L- or the S-question? Should you go with the safe question, the down and dirty question, or the cherub-red roses, which might be $50 down the drain if she says no – question.

Need help here? I would ask myself the following questions to lead you to Valhalla, or Halva.

  1. Have I remembered, if I still were married?
  2. Do I really want to get involved, or wouldn’t I rather work that jigsaw puzzle at home?
  3. Am I going to be able to satisfy  her as much as a bowl of Häagen-Dazs Ice Cream?
  4. Aren’t there more choices than the L- or S-words?

What would I choose? I’d have to say that any/all of the above choices are unacceptable, as being happily married and all, all other extra curricular activities wouldn’t reach the area of being considered, unless you haven’t believed a word I’ve said until now, which means that I would go with the S-word.

Have any of you remembered how I’ve revealed how Guys, Real Guys that is, will usually say the wrong thing at the most inopportune time, which comes as no surprise to their partners,  who are probably using the TV remote, or their cell phone to check if their other friends are as unsatisfied at the same moment in time? Remember not to say anything stupid at that moment that should be special for both of you, depending on your understanding of timing, listening, and responding to her needs. No, I haven’t been reading books about how to please her, or 10 ways not to put your foot in your mouth, this is experience speaking here, plain and simple.

If in doubt, then shut up! If you don’t then the M-word might just escape your lips when it started out with the S-word on your mind! The M-word should only be uttered in extreme cases of keeping her in the Country, before she is deported, or in the case of Temporary Insanity. I sometimes wish, some one had carted me away for saying the M-word, but the judge probably would have been a woman, and the jurors as well!

“Serves him right” is what they’ll be telling you, which might just get you out of the frying pan and into the fire, if you’ve forgotten the answer to question number 1?

I feel that this blog has gotten derailed by too much language, which means that I’ve fallen victim to my own advice, about shutting up and……………………….