Telling Lies in Copenhagen

This is an easy blog to write, due to my experience in the field.

Some of you might be pointing fingers at me, telling me that I am a bad person for lying! “So you never tell lies to yourself?” I ask in return. Hey, if I thought that I only told the truth each and every day, I would consider myself to be a liar in that way!

Here is the situation: You are on vacation, when you meet someone by chance who seems to be attracted to you. What should you do:

  • Hide your head in a Danish Canal?
  • Pretend that the Ice-Skating Elephants at Nyhavn are much more interesting
  • Tell yourself that you are not good enough for her
  • Take a chance

I’m not advising you to do any of the above, but in case you choose to go the whole hog, then you should practice lying like they do in Copenhagen.

When in Denmark, do as the people of Copenhagen do!

I admit to paraphrasing that a bit, but forewarned is forearmed, as I always say.

OK. Here are some suggestions on how to tackle these situations:

“Your eyes are as blue as the flag of Québec!” That might only work with Canadians, but how many of them will you be meeting in Copenhagen in February anyway?

“I’d love to spend some quality time with you eating some Danish Delight!”

– Careful now, as here you might just have crossed the line for common decency, if she has interpreted “Danish Delight” differently, than you have imagined? But then if you two are on the same wavelength, then by all means lie onward to your heart’s delight!

No. My wife was killed in a freak accident while on a walk. It seems that her Great Dane slipped on a Danish Banana Peel, and slid into the choppy waters near the Little Mermaid. She was dragged with it and….What do you mean, it sounds farfetched? I wouldn’t lie about something like that. She even told me, “If I go before you”, then I want you to go out and Love Again.” No. She didn’t tell me how many times that “Again” meant, or if it was immediately after her funeral, but…

I suggest, we start over with this conversation. You see, my wife was suffering from Amager Flu, while visiting the less fortunate, outside of Copenhagen. She was struck down in her prime, but told me on her death bed, that being the person that I was, that I needed the comfort and loving of…..What second wife? This is the story of my first wife, who died in such a way that you would believe me better, than the one who was drowned together with my dog. No. I am not making this story up. Yes, there is a difference between a boldfaced lie and a, what? No this is not a boldfaced lie, but just a deranged version of the truth.

I suggest, we visit some of my friends in Copenhagen. You’ll like them a lot and they can show you parts of Copenhagen off the beaten track. No, I am not trying to sell you to White Slavers! I just feel that while you are in Copenhagen, you deserve to see, how the real people live. Let’s start off by taking a stroll down the Pedestrian Street, which is named after me, “Strøget”. No, that is not my first name, but they say that I am good at ironing out difficulties with women. No my name is not ironing, but in the past tense, ironing becomes Strøget in Danish. No. Not in that way, but if you translate ironing into Danish, and take a big sip of Aquavit while closing your eyes, and kissing me for good measure, which is what everyone who is anyone in this Country does for good luck, then you might see where I am coming from, then I can show you, where we are going to! No, Not to the White Slavers, but if you take another drink of my Aquavit and give me another kiss, then you might. What? You think that I am just making it all up?

How else did you think that we fit together in the first place? What? You were lying to me as well? Well, I’m not much for that kind of thinking, even if you are from Montréal!

I feel that this relationship is heading for the rocks, but then I might just see how deep my wife and dog actually went down into the water, if that lie was indeed the truth, if you catch my drift?

You see. It is never easy keeping track of the truth, when you have been living a lie!

Always ask a resident of Copenhagen, before you do/say something, you might later regret….