Just Like Sweet Sue, Under the Christmas Tree

I used to ask for things that I knew, I never would get.

I worked at a store in California with a woman named Sue. She was rather unpleasant, a bit on the rough and raunchy side, and would have rolled Hells Angel’s members for their lunch money!

Another woman, named Lisa was something of an artist. She heard my pleas about wanting Sue, not really, wrapped up like a present under the Christmas Tree.

The days went by, and Christmas began to close in on me. Lisa came to me one day with a rolled up piece of paper, tied with a bow, and a “Merry Christmas” card attached.

“Open it”.

I obliged, not knowing what to expect. If Lisa had proposed marriage at that point in time, I would have said “Yes”, or at least would have accepted the Honeymoon as Consolation Prize!

Inside there was a painting of a Christmas Tree, and underneath nestled among the many presents, was Sue! Sue in her birthday suit, sporting a red ribbon smack dab where her face would have been!

“Oh, Sue. My Sue. Sue was the stuff that men dreamed of.”

-But all these years later, I only have my nightmares to remember her by…….

Buy a Dog, Rent Some Kids

Why be like everyone else? House in the Suburbs, New car. The right neighbors.

Friends coming over? Gosh, I haven’t seen them for ages. The problem is that I don’t have a husband, a house, a dog or kids!

Cars can be rented, why not everything else?

I’m not the bragging type, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that I want them to feel good about the choices that they made in life.

They are probably asking themselves: Did I make the right choices? Is my husband cheating on me? Why don’t the kids listen to me? When are we ever going to pay off the mortgage?

I kind of like the idea about renting a dog. The kids need to be well behaved and tight lipped. The husband thing is hard to imagine, even for me. How many years should we have been married? Is he going to hit on my friends? Did I choose correctly, way back when?

It seems way too complicated on such short notice. Perhaps we could meet in a neutral place, a wellness spa, or getaway resort!

The kids are at the Grandparents. The dog is in the kennel. My understanding and sexy husband is minding the house while I am gone. Cleaning and the like.

Happy? Sure I am. When you attain what I have, then you’ll be happy as well!

Why is the rental agency paging me on the loudspeakers?

What have I rented?…………….You’d be surprised!

Don’t Forget The Chili!

Tonight, I’m making Lentil Soup. On a Blog site which uses Lentils as its theme, it goes without saying that Lentils are going to enter the picture, sooner or later.

I’ve decided on a recipe in Danish this time, but it might as well have come from English?

Ingredient number 6 is one glass of white wine. I seemed to have overlooked that when I originally found the recipe, but I’m sure to have an open bottle around somewhere?

Nope. Just 8 different types of oil, which even using my imagination, will never be to white wine!

I almost suggested to my wife that we crack open a bottle, and try to drink each other under the table, just like old times! Except for that we never did anything like that before, and tomorrow is a work day once again….

Here is the recipe, shortened for the sake of this blog:

Opskrift:

Skyl linserne grundigt og lad dem dryppe af. – rinse the lentils thoroughly and let the water drip off.

Hak løg og chilien, og rist dem i olien. “Chop onions and chili and fry them in the oil” – without being able to understand Danish, you still might recognize the word Chili?
The problem being, that Chili is not one of the listed ingredients! I might just choose to ignore the Chili part, if everyone else will ignore the White Wine part?

Lentils are the model of compromise, if you didn’t know that?

I’ve also forgotten to note the time, so I’ll be guessing when the whole thing is ready.

In addition, I’ve added chopped carrots, which the first, but not selected recipe called for, but I didn’t use it, due to my lack of celery.

This is beginning to look like my own creation, without having to brag about it!

I really couldn’t resist throwing a bit of dried chili in, even though I didn’t need to, this being my own creation. If other people can write blogs about chewing gum on plant leaves, and taking a hot bath in order to adjust their blog site, then I feel that it isn’t a crime to let my hair down, as it were, and throw all caution to the wind!

foto

I’ve also turned down the temperature to avoid burning or, escape of the lentil masses to ruin my Sunday evening, which I don’t always remember to do, when opening up my WordPress site.

Now it is cooling off and after a quick taste, I feel that the new name might be “Lentil Soup with a rather strong taste of chili, which is not the original recommended ingredient!”

If you want to shorten the title, feel free to do so, as I kind of got carried away after the “Not having the opportunity to drink my wife under the kitchen table incident”.

Here is the original recipe in Danish, if you are curious?

http://www.dk-kogebogen.dk/opskrifter/visopskrift.php?id=27756

God Appetit!

Who Done It? A Summer Mystery – Part 6

We were like flowers, her and I.

Yellow for happiness and inspiration, enlightenment, creativity.

Red for love, seduction, violence, danger and anger.

yellow and red daisy flowers

With my work being done in America, that is on the other side of the pond, I hastened my planning for returning to Good Old England. I realize that our American Brothers and Sisters had gained a lot by my being able help here in this former British Colony, but it was time to return home to the Queen, and all things that made England Great!

Miss Scarlett held her red handkerchief to her eyes, while she stifled a tear of regret! “How could you leave me, after all we have meant to each other?”

Indeed, How could I do such a heinous and cowardly act? I was certain that if I had remained, I would have to make an honest woman of Miss Scarlett, before she ended up on the Gallows after being caught in a compromising situation with the Chief of Police, or the head of organized crime in this part of New Hampshire! She had ways, that no man could forget, making them cry for mercy, or squeal with delight right up to the moment, when she thrust her stiletto into the heart of what had been an honest man just a few hours before.

“She made me do things, that my wife never would do”, they’d whimper as they were dragged away to the dark and disgusting holes of the worst prisons known to man. “She let me touch her there, but not the other places”, they’d say, just before they went mad with desire, having to exist without knowing her in both the Old and the New Testaments. Denied once again by that temptress.

She would always get off the hook, just before the judge’s hammer hit the table, pronouncing judgement on those sorry souls. Escorted through the back door of the courthouse, the jacket of some high priced lawyer over her head, escaping  the prying eyes of the gutter journalists, who wanted to expose corruption at any costs. She would buy Congressmen with her silence, and sell them to others who would pay dearly for the things that they knew about how the system worked. Always a trail of broken hearts and lives left in her wake. Always another sucker, waiting in the wings, waiting for her Stiletto to find its way into another innocent heart. Another live gone lost!

She was waiting for me, in the Ballroom wearing the most sultry dress, I had seen on her, making my British Blood boil for the things that she did to me. “Colonel Mustard, were you thinking of leaving me? For Good?” She made it seem as if she had bolted the doors, and swallowed the key, rather than let me escape her clutches once and for all! I eyed my Elephant Gun on the table, in the hope that I’d be able to do her, before she did me, if you catch my drift, that is!

“Eyeing your Elephant Gun, Colonel? I didn’t think that you would result to such measures, when it was just you and I, alone together, with just the length of our lips between us?”


I thought of how I could make a dive for it, rolling through the tall grasses of the Savanna, before the lioness charged for my throat. If only I hadn’t been left unawares. If only I hadn’t let my guard down for a single moment in order to take a swig of Whiskey, or look at the tattered map, hoping against hope that I’d find her in the end. Will it be enough, taking aim with my Bowie Knife, hoping to stab the beast in the heart, while it tried to tear my head off, showing no mercy whatsoever?

It seems like we literally fell into each others arms, after a jilted wife or a casino owner cheated out of his life savings, had hunted her down, cornering her at the end of the pier in Maputo. If I hadn’t chosen that moment to leap off the boat, while quickly loading the shells in my Elephant Gun while assessing the situation, I’m pretty sure, we wouldn’t have been in this situation today!

I hadn’t been in Africa rather long, before I ran into troubles with the natives who were hired to aid and protect me on my journey. They had no qualms about hacking off an important limb, if denied taking a single look at my traveling companion, the lovely Miss Scarlett. She seemed to have a way about her, using her sly smile to melt men in their shoes, and strangled them with their neckties, for the want of touching her, where she wanted to be touched, but then she denied them that pleasure all the same. It should have been against their religion, to desire someone so badly, but I had seen it before in the Maputo, after we made our narrow escape past the angry crowds and the massing group of police officers, called to rid the city of the chaos, she brought with her. It happened time and again, no matter where in the world she turned up!

Now we were here, at our camp, completely alone after having been left to our own wits, when the natives scattered like sparks from a wildfire. Scattered and left us alone to face the dangers of the wildest and darkest Africa, while in the throes of our passion that could not be denied.

Just a moment before, while we lay in each others arms, telling each other lies about what we felt about each other, and how everyone else, didn’t amount to a hill of beans, compared to our love. She told me that “I was the only one in her life that meant anything.” That all of the other men, never could hold a candle to me, nor the way that she likened our passions to being just like two wild animals in the darkest of Africa, which is where we were, by the way.

The sounds of the Lioness, seemed to be all around us, as we rose up from the bed, sweeping the mosquito net aside while reaching for the Gun, that being our only Salvation left in this God Forsaken Part of the Known World! I had just one shot, and if that failed, then we’d both be on tonight’s menu for the rest of her pride, Big Game Hunter and his mate – Bon Appétit!


I calmly walked over to the gun and felt its long, smooth barrel while looking at Miss Scarlett. “I wonder if you understand the thrust of the situation?” I said while keeping my eyes on her sultry look and gleaming eyes? “I have considered taking you in my arms and strangling the life out of you, while you stabbed me in the back with your stiletto!” Said while moving a step closer to her.

“Do you believe in love, Colonel?”

To be continued…

 

“But even flowers wither and die, you know?” – What Miss Scarlett wanted on her headstone, when her time on earth was done….

Travel Accommodations

My trip planning has gone like gang busters, which means for you young folks, that is bad, or good if bad isn’t used anymore, or mega good, or mega bad, if bad is good, if you know what I mean?

Anyway, I’ve been doing a bit of reserving this and that on the Net, with most of my plans going good, or bad, or ….I don’t really understand why things don’t go Tetra-Good? My kids did mention Giga, but that might have meant something else, like arm signals, or knee signals, or your cap, which is not a baseball cap, but a real cap being turned the one way, or the other, which brings me back to it being like gang busters!

“like gangbusters”

 – with great excitement and speed. (The Free Dictionary)
Here is one of my choices of Accommodations in San Francisco (in Danish)
The rooms have everything and nothing, as shown by this photo:
reviews
This particular review shows this hotel’s entire score. Apparently it has wellness, which is good/bad, then Location (belliggenhed) which is a bit better, then the scores drop greatly with Comfort scoring only 1/5, with the notation – Uncomfortable.
I’m not much for wellness, but the location near Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco is appealing to me,
sanremo
while it being uncomfortable, might mean that Wonder Dog, and I might just have to take turns standing up while we sleep!
One of the other, as yet non reserved Hotels is this one here:

It has all the luxuries of home: Fire Ring, Pit Toilets, Scenic Views, plus Sagebrush and Rabbitbrush to break the monotony of the Great Basin sands!

Wonder Dog might just have a sniff around, before we choose our campsite, but I have told him not to play with the Coyotes, unless he tells me about it first!

The final and most exciting of my as yet unplanned accommodations are just a squeal of my tires away from just about anywhere in California:

rest area

I personally like the glitter effect of the sign, almost “Hollywood” in its appearance. (Hollywood is a city in the LA area, see origin of name at end of blog*)

 

These delightful accommodations are spread out all over the Golden State as shown here:

rest area map

www.dot.ca.gov

It is not all fun and games though, as some people think that they can just park their vehicle and take a nap, without having reserved a spot by using their credit card:

no camping

Lucky for Wonder Dog and I, we have a simple way of keeping out undesirable elements:

snakes

A trunk filled with these puppies along with a few rolls of Duct Tape, are all we need to keep out those few people, who want to spoil Rest Areas for the rest of us!

I personally am looking forward to catching a few Zzzzs in the Golden State after a hard day of throwing the old ball around, but I don’t need to tell Wonder Dog about that. He has his own special way of relaxing:

iPhone 23 july 2016 006

In true Glitter Style…….

 

*According to the diary of H. J. Whitley, known as the “Father of Hollywood”, on his honeymoon in 1886 he stood at the top of the hill looking out over the valley. Along came a Chinese man in a wagon carrying wood. The man got out of the wagon and bowed. The Chinese man was asked what he was doing and replied, “I holly-wood”, meaning ‘hauling wood.’ H. J. Whitley had an epiphany and decided to name his new town Hollywood. Holly would represent England and wood would represent his Scottish heritage. Whitley had already started over 100 towns across the western United States.[7][8]

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hollywood)

 

Traveling and Dogs

I wouldn’t want to think that this Epic Journey was just for myself, as I will have the company of Wonder Dog as well!

Some might question my judgement in taking such a young dog on such a trying and demanding trip, but he has assured me that he can make the grade!

I wouldn’t want to convince any of you that I possessed a Talking Dog, because we really don’t possess each other in this life! We might think that our lovers are ours and ours alone, or our pets have owners, but the real truth of the matter is that belief that we possess things, is only in our heads, as we are free spirits all the same. My wife has probably thought through these many years that marriage is like a heavy stone upon her heart, but she is just as able to cast off her chains and become a free bird once again, if of course we didn’t need to be two people that had to pay for the mortgage! With age we become more independent withing the confines of our relationship and, Wait a minute! This was about my dog and not all that other Mumbo Jumbo!

I have noticed how agile he is in chasing his tail, and how he runs up and down the backyard, after having secured himself one of our shoes! If I had half of his energy, and the need to run with my wife’s shoe in my mouth, then I too could attain tremendous feats of climbing the Highest Point in California (it is called Mt Whitney), or swimming in the saline waters of the Lowest Point (Badwater in Death Valley).

I am looking forward to standing on top of some mountain, with my dog at my side and my left boot in my mouth.

Then we could both chase his tail to celebrate……

Thank My Lucky Clouds

My wife says that I don’t wish for enough things. “The most important things in life must be wished for, even if you don’t attain them, then you still can wish!”

Denmark has been rainy this Summer. Very rainy. During this week Perseid meteor showers are visible in Denmark, which would fit perfectly with my Trip Planning down my Inner Ear!

Star light, Star bright, First Star I see tonight…..

Then, I can wish for a good trip, or that my other wishes over time will come true. I might just wish that my Family in the States are all friends and that we can all share quality moments during the time that we are together!

I wish that Los Angeles is Smog-Free while I visit there, and that the Freeways are not congested whatsoever!

I wish that I can find affordable parking possibilities when visiting San Francisco, and that the car that I’ll be renting will be returned to the Rental Store without a scratch on it!

I wish that I’ll be able to meet my first Girlfriend once again, and talk about those good times, we spent together!

I wish for a safe journey, being able to show Wonder Dog the things that I remember most about my time living in Los Angeles, and that my Journey Down My Inner Ear will inspire others to experience the same wonders that I did!

I also wish that the cloudy skies that have obstructed my view of the heavens,the Perseid meteor showers and any and all hope of attaining the above wishes had cleared up at the last minute, allowing me to get the girl, win the game and live happily ever after in the Greatest Country on Earth!

….The rain fell silently down on our hero, as the curtain quietly came to a close. His girlfriend of long ago packed her bags and wiped a tear from her cheek, turning away not wanting to face him during his darkest hour. Even Coco the Wonder Dog put his tail between his legs and slunk out of the room, not even uttering a whimper to his downtrodden master…..

Hello. Read my Lips. It was Cloudy, OK? End of Blog!