Some people hang on. Way longer than it is necessary. Goodbye could, should just be that?
I felt as if that was rather final, for goodbyes that is. What if there was something else in that Goodbye? I felt a bit uncomfortable knowing that some goodbyes are just that. Goodbye.
She looked at me, as if I didn’t know the meaning of the word? “You said, Goodbye. Do you mean it, or not?”
Of course I did. I had thought about it for a long time. How to say it, when to say it, re-thinking it, and thinking it again. Goodbye for now. Goodbye for then. Goodbye is not easy to say, but easy to come by, but not easy to accept.
There was a certain finality, when I finally got it out of my mouth.
“Wouldn’t you like to chew on it a bit more”, she asked? “Get a proper feel for it. Taste the nuances of the word. When you are ready to say it, be firm and unwavering.”
I wasn’t sure if I had to floss afterwards? Were there repercussions for not spitting it all out at one time?
“You can’t chew and spit at the same time”, she told me, without allowing me the comfort of enjoying my words just a minute longer.
We are both adults. Adults don’t mince words.
I wanted to treat it like a bunch of chives, or onions that needed to become an important part of dinner. Chop and dice, then in the pot to make something better than the individual parts ever could. Mince was a word that I knew well!
Are we those parts?, I wondered to myself. Are we just onions and carrots, who on their own are unique, but are more so, when combined with each other?
“I started to cry when you chopped the onions”, she said wiping a tear away from the truth. “I couldn’t accept the fact that you were determined to make dinner in that way!”
I didn’t want her to cry. I didn’t want to end our cooking session in that way. If we could find the right recipe, then it wouldn’t be necessary to worry about onions and the problems thereof in the same way!
“I didn’t want to tell you, but I feared the word for a long time. Goodbye that is.”
Her words came as a shock to me. I hadn’t expected to hear them from her? My words of Goodbye. Coming from her. Hitting me in the face.
“Ow!” I said as if I had just been slapped! “That hurt a lot.”
“Yes”she said. “Goodbyes tend to do that.”
I knew that not all goodbyes had the same effect. Some goodbyes were necessary, otherwise we would never get anywhere else in life.
“Do you want to be apart from me?”, she asked, while stopping packing her bags.”I guessed that your Goodbye was a final sort of one, not negotiable for change?”
“No. That was not that Goodbye”, I said with certainty.
“Well, then I would advise you in the future to make sure which Goodbye you’ll be taking down off your shelf of expressions, and using it in the proper way!”
I could see that we thought differently about things. Her and I. I only wanted my Goodbye to be of a short term nature, but she interpreted it differently.
“Goodbye. Then. See you later on. Later today. Later together with you…”
“I like it when you punctuate like that”, she said……….