Posted in Humor

Have you been there before?

“No, no I haven’t, but I’ve wanted to visit there for many years.”

It seems like, I get that question a lot. “I’d like to say that I have been there, but….”

It seems like I’m always making excuses for not traveling to ….

I think I should be better at lying. I’m tired of not being able to have the right answer to all of these questions. A small stretch of the truth won’t be hurting anyone. There are always Night Classes available in the  Spring and Autumn.

New Course in Lying 1 – “Be better at deceiving your friends, strangers, and employer”

I signed up as soon as I read the description. I felt that this was a good opportunity to get out in the evenings, as I didn’t do that much with my leisure time. I’d also be able to meet new people, and broaden my horizons.

The first class was the usual type of thing. “Tell us your name, age and what you do for a living?” I admit to being confused from the start. Did they want us to be truthful, or was it the beginning of my new style, my less than truthful self.

I asked the others around me, is it the truth, or is it a lie they want? The people immediately around me suggested that it was the truth, but I somehow doubted their words.They might just be better at lying than I was, and I began to mistrust them and their intentions.

The teacher then asked for one of us to go out of the room, while the others tried to guess which one of the descriptions fit that person best. I reluctantly raised my hand, and placed myself outside the classroom. The time seemed to drag on, and on. Finally after 1½ hours I re-entered the classroom, only to find it dark and empty. I thought it strange that they could exit the classroom without me seeing them, but decided to go home all the same.

When I reached the stairs, I found to my surprise one of my classmates, standing there, as if he was waiting for me to show up.

Where did you go?”. We’ve looked everywhere for you?

I figured that this was another test of my lying abilities, and promptly said, “I crawled on my hands and knees, under the window in the door, so you wouldn’t see me, then I ran down the hall to the next classroom.

That’s not true, he said. “I know that, because we were hiding in that room, waiting for you to find us!”.

Somehow, I didn’t believe him, as it sounded like a baldfaced lie, which shows how good he had become on the first night of our teaching!

“Where is our teacher?” I asked, even though I already knew that the answer was false.

He is downstairs making coffee for the rest of us.

– Another lie, I was sure.

“I’ll just go down and help him.” I said, but I didn’t do so in order to show them that I was just as good at lying, as they were, I pretended to go down the stairs, but when his back was turned, I sprinted back to our darkened and empty classroom, quietly closing the door behind me.

I needed to get out of this place, as soon as possible thus showing the others that I too could lie with the best of them. I couldn’t find another way out, other than the window, so I took my chances and skinnied out onto the narrow ledge that ran along the outside of the building. I figured, if I could make it to the downspout, I could carefully make my way safely down to the ground floor.

Suddenly someone shone a light on me.

Hey, what are you doing on that ledge? Are you crazy or something?

I felt that this was a new test of my abilities, and therefore answered promptly with, “I saw a thief jump out of the window, or perhaps a suicide jumper, and I thought that I would render assistance before it was too late.

And with that I jumped with all my might toward the downspout. Unfortunately, I wasn’t as agile, as I was at stretching the truth, ending up on the ground with a searing pain in my left leg and right arm.

Are you hurt. That was quite a fall. What were you thinking?

Uh. There was a large bird that knocked me off the wall, but as I reached for its tail feathers, they slipped out of my grasp.

On the way to the hospital the paramedic asked,

Are you experiencing any discomfort?

No, of course not. It was the ground that got the raw end of that deal. I am fine. Just fine.

My only regret was that I wouldn’t be able to attend the class for a while, but I believe that my lying abilities had increased greatly, after just one time.

Have you been there before?

Well, of course I have! That was back in the days when everyone around me said that they told the truth, but I discovered that they really were lying about having been there themselves.

-but I most certainly have visited there, and while I dangled from a narrow ledge outside of a tall building, a bird flew by causing me to…….

 

Advertisements

Author:

American living in Denmark.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s