That’s what my dog told me one day. More or less. He felt that he was getting the short end of the stick, and that made him as crazy as a loon.
I said, if he really wanted to change things, he should hit the books. I always did when I was as mad as a wet hen.
Living with you is no walk in the park, he said, which is a very dog thing to say. Then things got ugly. “You dirty dog” he barked at me. Hey, I don’t like you talking to me like that, I said. I know this fight is dog eat dog, but I’m drawing the line right here.
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, I said. That seemed to tick him off even more. “Your mother wears army boots” he snarled at me. You’ll never understand dogs until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes. Shoes? Are you telling me, that the shoe is on the other foot? He just cocked his head. You yellow-bellied polecat! Mother warned me about owners like you! If I had half a mind, I’d leave you for someone else!
I honestly felt that I stood on the moral high ground. If he wasn’t man’s best friend, I’d be dancing on his grave.
Your days are numbered, he growled at me. I’d start counting down from 5, if you catch my drift? You are dead to me already, you know. Dead from the neck up.
I felt that his use of D-idioms was getting rather repetitive. What about the G-idioms? I said. I think you got out on the wrong side of the bed. Get it off your chest, whatever you really want to say to me. Let’s get this show on the road, otherwise we’ll soon be fighting tooth and nail.
Tooth and nail, that is a real dog fight.
Let’s call it a day, I said. He didn’t reply. What is wrong, cat got your tongue?
Don’t start champing at the bit, he finally growled. You’d change your tune, if you didn’t have a chip on your shoulder.
You are the one barking up the wrong tree. I am not going to take a back seat to you. I am the owner here.
Let’s grab 40 winks, he woofed. I think we are caught in a vicious circle. You can’t hide elephants in mouseholes.
I agreed. Let’s catch some Zs. It’s far better than adding insult to injury…..