Dreaming of Albania

I’ve never done so before today. Funny isn’t it?

stats 31 march 16

Albania paid me a visit today. Who did I know in Albania? Perhaps a past love, who happened by me in my needy stage, chancing to perk me up, when I needed it most, saving me from jumping off that bridge, moments before it was over for good!

We weren’t together very long, her and I. She was just passing through and I, well I was trying to decide my own direction in life. I considered a tramp steamer to St Petersborg, but the thought of all that borsch was just too much to stomach! Then there was logging in Northern Québec, but I was afraid of running into another of my past loves, or being bitten by a Canadian Fox, or her boyfriend, as it were.

She didn’t seem to care, what I chose to do with my life. She was only in it for the sex and I felt obliged to satisfy her needs, no matter how long it took. However, I guess in the end, it took too long for her, as she announced one day that she would be moving on at the end of the week. I had until then to satisfy her, or fail miserably in trying. I consulted the local library, and asked my most experienced of friends, but to no avail. She was bound and determined to journey onward to Albania in search of the man, or men who would/could satisfy her desires.

I remember our last night together, in a flat overlooking the Danish Stock Exchange. She commented on how she would miss the sight of the tails of 4 dragons entwined together, as if being lovers locked in the deepest throes of Danish Passion!



Yes, I agreed. That was a most impressive sight, when I chanced to look up to the sight of them, from the embrace of her loving arms, in the heat of the Danish Night!

The next day she took her leave of me, thumbing her way over Knippelsbro towards points unknown.

“Think of me, the next time you chance upon Albania, at some point in your life”, she said blowing a kiss in my direction.

I would, I promised her. Indeed, I would!

That is why, I believe Albania visited my blog site today. A trace of a past love, blowing in the direction of the Kingdom of Denmark. I wonder, if she ever found what she was looking for? I only wish her well, and hope that our paths crossed again someday, perhaps in the Black Forest of Germany, or by the White Cliffs of Dover!

I reddened at the thought of her feminine form, silhouetted against the blue backdrop of the flag of Québec.

Dang, I’ve got to drive those Canadian thoughts out of my head, before I’m driven crazy with desire for Tartiflette, made with Reblochon from a little Fromagerie in Montréal…….

Where was I? Oh yeah, Albania. Who did I know in Albania? Perhaps a past love……..


The B-Word

Well, It seems like my life won’t ever be the same since my famous Women in ohnoohno-Bikinis-ohnoohno Blog! That might just be my claim to fame, as it were.

I’ve had a running discussion with a fellow blogger who wants to know, just when I will be showering him with B-Babes, preferably the one-piece suit type.

I feel, that if I take this discussion too far, I most certainly will end up insulting someone’s intelligence…perhaps my own?

I wouldn’t profess to having inside knowledge on the ups and downs of the B-Word, but it does seem to haunt my blog site. Some matters like sleeping dogs, are best left alone, but I have chanced upon a branch of the B-word related to the French language.

You know those common words, up and down. In and out. Open and closed? Well, Closed is OK, but try Googling Open in French. Before you do so, I would suggest that you retain an open mind, send the kids to bed, and tell your old lady, if caught in the act, that it was only a computer virus named Melissa!

The French word for open is Ouvert. Try typing that word into “Google Images” and see what you get! See what I mean? Language is a troublesome thing.

Now Ouvert is not the B-word, but if you type shhh-Bikini-shhh in Google Images, then the effect will be somewhat the same, just without the openness of Ouvert.

“Is it very far, Papa Smurf?”. “No, not far my little Smurflings!”

I feel that in writing blogs, I should retain a feeling of ouverture, no matter what the subject tends to be. Ouverture is openness, but not the type that Ouvert seems to be.

I have been asked by at least 2 bloggers to continue my quest concerning the B-word.  The first one was disappointed by the lack of B-Pictures, but I’m hoping that in revealing the word, Ouvert, that he will be at least somewhat pacified?

The other blogger has shared her blatant photos of the B-word on her site, and subsequently on my site, when I pressed it. She would like to counter my B-Blog most likely in defense of womankind, and the negative connotations that things like the B-word have brought upon them!

The topic, as they say, is still open to interpretation, which means that this won’t be the last time that OOPS-Bikini-OOPS will be mentioned on this blog site.

I thank all of you for your indulgence…..


Picky Eaters

My Children are picky eaters. 2 of them are anyway. The third must have been listening, when we said something?

My 2 picky eaters want things their way. Sure, they can eat things when away from home, that they otherwise would have rejected here at home, but they must have had the wrong upbringing? I’d like to blame my wife, but then we are 2 on the subject of raising the kids, so I don’t think, I’d end up completely blameless here.

My third child is adventurous in his way of eating. Things that would be exotic for my other 2 Children, are no problem for number 3. Peanut Butter? Bring it on! Honey, No Problem. A loose carrot, or whatever that comes along, will also work.

There is never enough food for Child number 3. Varied, quantity, taste are some of the things that he relies on for us to provide. I am perhaps a bit more daring in what I choose to give him, with my Wife being more on the cautious, motherly side.

I wish that my first 2 Children would be inspired by his way of eating. Just think of it, all 3 of my loving Children, eating as if it were a contest, doing what they could to please their parents…Dream on you might say? Well, there is always hope out there.

The other thing, which one of us has failed in teaching the Children is about how not to waste food. My Daughter always leaves something on the plate, regardless of its size. “Aren’t you going to eat that last piece?” Is a common thing to ask her. “No! I can’t eat anymore!” Child number 3 would never have that problem. There is not any waste of food here, and even the plate is cleaned so much so, that it resembles something having gone through the dishwasher!

I wonder how my Children will fare, when they become adults? Will they have learned, how to encourage their Children, doing a better job then we have done? Time will surely tell.

I’m not concerned though about Child nr. 3. He has a good head on his shoulders, and will surely pass on his good traits to his progeny.

-And he inherited his good looks from me as well!



No Problem. I Was There for You

My Puppy has been very helpful today. He is most days.

He woke up and was encouraged to go outside. He went around the corner and was gone for a long while.

When he came back in again, he left a surprise for me on the floor. “You’ve just been out!” I said. You could have done your business out there!

-No Problem, he seemed to say. I was there for you

I took him for a walk before work. Play with the leash is another name for “walk”.

Bite the leash, don’t think about anything else. Bite the leash. Chase the tail.

Once inside again, he leaves a new surprise for me on the floor!

“You were just out. We were just out. You had ample time and opportunity to leave your business out there!”

-No Problem. I was there for you.

After Easter Dinner, everyone was relaxing after a large meal. There just wasn’t enough food for some of us. More! More! It doesn’t matter, how much more, falls on the floor!

Wait. It’s time to chase my tail. Round-and round-and Round-and round.

I start to clean up after the meal. While I am rinsing the plates, before they are placed in the dishwasher, someone else is licking the utensils.

“Stop doing that! You have had a lot of food!”

“No Problem. I was there for you!” My Puppy seemed to say with his eyes.

Now it’s time to chase the tail. chase the tail. chase the tail. “I’m bored”, he seems to say.

We could play, or you could feed me some more, or I can leave you a new surprise on the floor!

Chase the tail, chase the tail, chase the tail. Wait! Did someone drop something on the kitchen floor? Better have a look, then it’s chase the tail once again.

Now, we are waiting for the last walk of the night, then it is customary for a piece, or two, or three of cheese to hit the floor. Then it is play with the rope, chase the tail, or beg for attention.

Sleep Puppy Sleep. Tomorrow is a new day for you.

My Puppy rolls over and squints at me. I’ll be there for you tomorrow, too.

No Problem…….


Dog Dreams

A foot twitches.

A yawn. Head raised, then down again.

Sleep Doggy sleep.

Breathing. Up and down. Up and down.

Another twitch. A change of position.

Roll over. And over again.

Dreaming Dog Dreams isn’t easy.

Twitching and scratching. Moving and stretching.

A small sound. More stretching. Body twice as long.

Breathing. Up and down. Up and down.

Too young to dream about chasing cats.

Way too tired to move towards the food dish.

Dreaming Dog Dreams until tomorrow…..

Let the new day begin…..

Being a bit jealous

I wish, it had been me in the car with you.

I wish, I had been traveling from Canada to New York, with you

I wish….

I guess, I’m just jealous of your latest story. I wanted it to be me, writing that story about how you drove from Canada to Amityville. I both wanted to be in that story, and have written it at the same time.

I wish you had told me about it before, saying that you didn’t know how to put it into words, and felt that someone else should do so.

I wish, that it had been me, that took up the challenge, weaving the threads and fibers of your story into a coherent piece of literary art.

I wish, you had been reading it, and thought how clever, I had been.

I wish, everyone who read your story, which now was my story, would be as impressed with it as I am

I guess,

I’m just a jealous guy….

Flies a Buzzing, Fingers a Popping

Happy today?

That shouldn’t be a question, but a confirmation of fact.

Who wouldn’t be, I might ask. Those who are not happy today, are also not happy on other days. Today doesn’t make any difference to those who have chosen to be unhappy.

Unhappy on a day like today? It makes no sense to me whatsoever. I’ve got my health, my hair and a roof over my head. What else do you need to make you happy?

Spread the word, try smiling. Be yourself, if that means that everyone around you will enjoy living just like you do.

The bills still need to be paid, and the trash still needs to come out. Being happy doesn’t solve those problems, but does tend to make the rest of the day balance out the bad times.

The bad times are still there. There is no getting around them, nor hiding from them, nor crying about them. Life has its ups and downs you know, rich or poor, tall or short, young or old. Everyone has ups and downs, but you could smile anyway.

Today, tomorrow, yesterday. I found time to smile on the first and the last. What I choose to do in the future is up to me.

Use a bit of your day to be happy. Happy to be alive. Happy to know others can be happy as well.

Try smiling to others. They might think it odd, that you do so. “So out of character!”

Try being out of character today.

I’d heartily recommend it!


Goodnight, I said!

It isn’t night, she said. But it is, it is!

We couldn’t agree on whose Time Zone was the deciding one.

I said that the Sun was here first, then it did its thing over the Atlantic, finally reaching Canada a whole 5 hours later. You see, I said. The East wins!

She didn’t feel that changing her schedule to fit with mine could be easily done.

Look here:

Denmark is minus 5 hours from Montréal. If you want to wish me a goodnight, then it should be at 7 am your time.

7 am my time! The woman never sleeps! I would have to feign tiredness, in order to wish her an equally good night sleep, well knowing that my Good Morning Wake Up Coffee was percolating in the background! Hey! I said while yawning big time, and thinking about hitting the hay once again. It was just in 18 hours from now, but I did need to keep a positive attitude about it.

“Are you really, really tired, or just pretending to be?”

I hate it, when she looks right through me!

No, I am really, really, really tired. Everyone has gone to sleep, and now it is my turn. I’ll catch up to you again in 6, no let’s say 8 hours. A good, well rounded night of sleep (said while looking outside at the blazing Danish sunshine). I, stopping to Yawn again, have to stop now, but I’d like to wish you Et fais de beaux rêves!

Wow. You are getting better at French, aren’t you?

I closed Facebook, and wondered what to do next. Sleep, or work? One of them paid me money, and the other one, the other one….

I’d be telling my boss, “You see, I thought that it would be int the best interest of our customers, if I started work at 4 am, instead of 9! That would give me a new perspective on the day, and….What? You don’t agree! (How narrow minded – I thought). OK. We’ll do it your way instead.

I felt that the best recourse was to confront her right away, showing that my commitment was true and honest.

“Opening Facebook Chat”. Hi Green Dot. I’ve got some news for you.

No answer. Allo. Anyone Home.

“What time is it? Wait I’ll look. 4 in the morning! Don’t you ever sleep?

Uh, I. Yes, but…

“Have you been awake all this time?”

(Hmm. Should I lie to her, or try my best using the truth?)

I’ve been thinking. I said. I think we should try this the other way. It might not work out with my boss and all. Do you think your boss will take it better?

Montréal is 5 hours behind Denmark.

When you go to sleep at Midnight, then it is only 7 pm here. I would only work until 6 pm, then eat dinner, or a Midnight snack, then go to bed at 7 pm, getting up again at Midnight my time. You would still be sleeping, with it only being 5 am there in Denmark, which means that we would be sleeping together at the same time.

Uh. What do you think your Cherí will say to that one?

Well, technically we wouldn’t be sleeping together, because I would have gotten up at Midnight, my time.

Well then, we won’t be sleeping together!

Yes that is true. Peut-être if I waited a bit until 12:30 am My time then it would still be  ½ hour before you woke up at 6 am your time. Then we would be sleeping together, but not sharing the same bed, as your wife and my boyfriend might not understand about Time Zones like we do!

I only have one problem with your thinking, I said, before she starting explaining the whole mess, one more time.

This Saturday is when we change the clocks in Denmark to Summer Time. Then I’ll be 6 hours behind/ahead of you, and you will be 6 hours, and not 5 hours ahead/behind me.

And you see that as a problem? She said. I don’t think that you are ready for a friendship of this magnitude, one that comprises time and space!

After Sunday, then we’ll be able to recalculate the Time Zones, and start over again.

I still think, it would be easier, if we moved closer to one another. I said.

Should we go North or South? She asked.

Another point of contention. I consulted a map:

atlantic ocean

Source: Google Maps seen from my point of view.

I felt that the Atlantic Ocean was way too long for this blog, and should be shortened a bit, but I don’t have my virtual scissors within reach of my keyboard.

Well, North or South? She said impatiently.

I think we should wait until the clocks change again on Sunday, and start over again!

The problems don’t get any smaller, because the distance between us increases with 1 hour. That might mean that the Atlantic Ocean won’t even fit into the blog, being so long and everything?

Now I know why long-distance relationships have such a hard time surviving. It might have been better for the both of us, that we never wrote blogs in the first place, having never communicated by Facebook, and never having to wonder, why we failed miserably at Math when we went to school.

We didn’t go to school together. We didn’t live in the same Time Zone, nor were we at the same age while doing all of those things.

I’d have to say, that I’m not 100% sure that we didn’t, because after writing this blog, I’m not too sure about much of anything anymore……………

Other than the fact that Time Zones really suck!





Real Danes – The World Happiness Report

I’ve been dancing around Real Dane Issues, for a while now, and that is clearly seen by the lack of Danish Flags on my Statistics Page.

Who are they, you might ask? What do they think? What are their dreams and fears in life?

Well the latest report: The World Happiness Report 2016 Update, which ranks 156 countries by their happiness levels, was released in Rome in advance of UN World Happiness Day, March 20th.

The report’s conclusions are base on various factors such as: Health, and Medical Care, as well as, Family, Job Security, Political Freedom and Degree of Corruption.

Danes can once again brag about being number 1, but they probably won’t mention how after being on top for a number of years, fell to 3rd place in 2015.

Something called “The Law of Jante” is the idea that there is a pattern of group behavior towards individuals within Scandinavian communities that negatively portrays and criticizes individual success and achievement as unworthy and inappropriate. (source Wikipedia).

That just means that the success of this report will be well-known, but not bragged about, as “Danes wouldn’t like to speak publicly about being better than anyone else”. It might also be known as, “Knowing your place”. Don’t get me wrong, it is a modest way of looking at things, and has probably kept them on top of the Happiness reports because of it, but it is also a good thing to think good of your accomplishments, and give yourself a pat on the back every now and again. I would probably be accused as “Thinking like an American”, but since that is what I am, then I don’t need to think like everyone else, and just be proud of who I am.

I don’t know if you’ve gotten a better understanding of being a Dane, but until you come here and visit the Country for yourself, then I can tell you whatever I think about it, without you really understanding how Danes really are!

The report can be downloaded here: http://worldhappiness.report/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2016/03/HR-V1_web.pdf

If you want to fast-forward to the good stuff, then check out page 22, Ranking of Happiness 2013-2015 (Part 1)

The top 23:

Denmark (7.526)
Switzerland (7.509)
Iceland (7.501)
Norway (7.498)
Finland (7.413)
Canada (7.404)
Netherlands (7.339)
New Zealand (7.334)
Australia (7.313)
Sweden (7.291)
Israel (7.267)
Austria (7.119)
United States (7.104)
Costa Rica (7.087)
Puerto Rico (7.039)
Germany (6.994)
Brazil (6.952)
Belgium (6.929)
Ireland (6.907)
Luxembourg (6.871)
Mexico (6.778)
Singapore (6.739)
United Kingdom (6.725)


The bottom 8:

Liberia (3.622)
Guinea (3.607)
Rwanda (3.515)
Benin (3.484)
Afghanistan (3.360)
Togo (3.303)
Syria (3.069)
Burundi (2.905)


Have you been there before?

“No, no I haven’t, but I’ve wanted to visit there for many years.”

It seems like, I get that question a lot. “I’d like to say that I have been there, but….”

It seems like I’m always making excuses for not traveling to ….

I think I should be better at lying. I’m tired of not being able to have the right answer to all of these questions. A small stretch of the truth won’t be hurting anyone. There are always Night Classes available in the  Spring and Autumn.

New Course in Lying 1 – “Be better at deceiving your friends, strangers, and employer”

I signed up as soon as I read the description. I felt that this was a good opportunity to get out in the evenings, as I didn’t do that much with my leisure time. I’d also be able to meet new people, and broaden my horizons.

The first class was the usual type of thing. “Tell us your name, age and what you do for a living?” I admit to being confused from the start. Did they want us to be truthful, or was it the beginning of my new style, my less than truthful self.

I asked the others around me, is it the truth, or is it a lie they want? The people immediately around me suggested that it was the truth, but I somehow doubted their words.They might just be better at lying than I was, and I began to mistrust them and their intentions.

The teacher then asked for one of us to go out of the room, while the others tried to guess which one of the descriptions fit that person best. I reluctantly raised my hand, and placed myself outside the classroom. The time seemed to drag on, and on. Finally after 1½ hours I re-entered the classroom, only to find it dark and empty. I thought it strange that they could exit the classroom without me seeing them, but decided to go home all the same.

When I reached the stairs, I found to my surprise one of my classmates, standing there, as if he was waiting for me to show up.

Where did you go?”. We’ve looked everywhere for you?

I figured that this was another test of my lying abilities, and promptly said, “I crawled on my hands and knees, under the window in the door, so you wouldn’t see me, then I ran down the hall to the next classroom.

That’s not true, he said. “I know that, because we were hiding in that room, waiting for you to find us!”.

Somehow, I didn’t believe him, as it sounded like a baldfaced lie, which shows how good he had become on the first night of our teaching!

“Where is our teacher?” I asked, even though I already knew that the answer was false.

He is downstairs making coffee for the rest of us.

– Another lie, I was sure.

“I’ll just go down and help him.” I said, but I didn’t do so in order to show them that I was just as good at lying, as they were, I pretended to go down the stairs, but when his back was turned, I sprinted back to our darkened and empty classroom, quietly closing the door behind me.

I needed to get out of this place, as soon as possible thus showing the others that I too could lie with the best of them. I couldn’t find another way out, other than the window, so I took my chances and skinnied out onto the narrow ledge that ran along the outside of the building. I figured, if I could make it to the downspout, I could carefully make my way safely down to the ground floor.

Suddenly someone shone a light on me.

Hey, what are you doing on that ledge? Are you crazy or something?

I felt that this was a new test of my abilities, and therefore answered promptly with, “I saw a thief jump out of the window, or perhaps a suicide jumper, and I thought that I would render assistance before it was too late.

And with that I jumped with all my might toward the downspout. Unfortunately, I wasn’t as agile, as I was at stretching the truth, ending up on the ground with a searing pain in my left leg and right arm.

Are you hurt. That was quite a fall. What were you thinking?

Uh. There was a large bird that knocked me off the wall, but as I reached for its tail feathers, they slipped out of my grasp.

On the way to the hospital the paramedic asked,

Are you experiencing any discomfort?

No, of course not. It was the ground that got the raw end of that deal. I am fine. Just fine.

My only regret was that I wouldn’t be able to attend the class for a while, but I believe that my lying abilities had increased greatly, after just one time.

Have you been there before?

Well, of course I have! That was back in the days when everyone around me said that they told the truth, but I discovered that they really were lying about having been there themselves.

-but I most certainly have visited there, and while I dangled from a narrow ledge outside of a tall building, a bird flew by causing me to…….