Posted in Denmark, Travel

How to say Howdy to the Danish Queen.

In my previous blog about Copenhagen I only mentioned the Danish Queen in passing. This blog takes you closer to this Scandinavian Monarch.

The important thing to remember, is not to assume that the Queen has time to greet you personally at her doorstep. She might not even be at home when you arrive in Copenhagen, even though you have taken the following steps.

  1. Sending her a text message including a Selfie of you and your cat.
  2. Attempting to call her up, saying that it didn’t matter, if she still had her pajamas on.
  3. Trying to send her a letter assuring her, that you voted for her in the last election.

I mention these things, as there have been other tourists before you, who have attempted to gain the Queen’s attention, but have failed in the attempt.

I include this photo showing the large square in front of the Queen’s residence:

DSC05666

Notice the patterns of the Brosten, the flagstones in the foreground. The fellow on the horse, is drawing your attention to the right, possible in the direction of the Queen’s residence. There are many buildings which resemble each other, so don’t attempt to be a gate crasher on your first try, as this fellow (shown in previous blog), has received orders to shoot to kill, and that even includes Americans and Canadians!

DSC05670

Your next important set of instructions concerns standing in line while in Denmark (called queuing up in British English). The Danes pride themselves on being patient and broad shouldered, but when in the company of other Europeans their basic instincts tend to take over. Here are a few tips when congregating with other Europeans:

  1. Appear to be larger and wider than normal. Some birds tend to puff up their feathers, scaring others away in the process. Think Bird!
  2. Ignore what ever language the other tourists are speaking, even English. This is a diversion tactic to draw you away from the front of the line.
  3. Try to remain impartial when someone attempts to get ahead of the others in line. Full Body Blocking and Wrestling the intruder to the ground are perfectly forms of acceptable behavior in Europe. Step gently over their prone forms, and assume your place in line.
  4. In the beginning you might be standing there alone, but little by little the others will begin to show up. Suddenly it becomes dog-eat-dog. Ally yourself with others of the same Nationality, and think Football. Not European Football, but bone crushing, mind boggling American Football.
  5. If all goes wrong, remember to tell your family and friends at home, how interesting it is inside one of Copenhagen’s fine police stations!

Here is a photo concerning standing in line to visit one of the Queen’s Houses.

DSC05667

Notice how only one tourist has an umbrella. This is obviously a Royal Secret Service Agent, in disguise, trying to blend in with the crowd. The tourists to the left of the black rope are not restricted in their movements. This defines the zone of “Anything can happen”. Notice how the people inside the black rope zone are more orderly and calm. They are not concerned about the people behind them, but they should be! The group of 5 people includes that anarchist from the previous blog. Notice how he continues to stare in your direction! I’ve warned you about him before, but now he has the feeling that you are following him. On your guard! The sign in the middle of the photo is telling everyone that hot dogs will be offered for sale at the end of the tour. I would advise you to buy one as it is not every day that you’ll have the privilege of eating a Royal Hot Dog!

This next photo is showing the Queen’s Life Guard, drilling on the square:DSC05672

The young fellow in blue is in the most danger. If the Guard chooses to make a quick Left Face, or Venstre Ansigt in Danish, then the young lad just might be run over by these rigid soldiers. Notice how he has placed himself within the parallel lines on the Square. Some say that parallel lines never meet, but that is not true, is it? Notice how he is not aligned with the doorway above his head. Obviously a poor mathematical background is affecting his sense of perspective.  The tourists on the right are re-creating the Grassy Knoll Theory, attempting to shoot someone with their cameras. They too are looking to the left, just as the young lad in Blue. The lines also lead to the left. But what is waiting for them on the left? It is up to you to find out!

If you think that your movements have gone unaware of the Royalty, then think again.

Look carefully in the next photo:

amailenborg

In the extreme lower right hand corner there is a window open. This is known as the Queen’s Peephole. Here is another view of the same area:

amailenborg1

Notice how it is located above the surveillance camera. Each and every movement is noted and recorded.

Remember, it is not certain that you will see the Royalty, but they most assuredly have seen you. Just imagine the view from the inside. Luxurious, Stunning, Unsurpassed.

And with a Royal hot dog in hand….

Some people really know how to live!

 

 

 

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