I love going to my local grocery store to buy fresh fruits and vegetables.
Remember these handy tips:
- Pinch the wares, taking careful aim, and never, never when the wife is looking
- Thump the melons. Try two of them at a time, it is more satisfying that way, trust me!
- Squeeze those grapes like you’ve never squeezed them before. The freshness will astound you!
- Try juggling a few pineapples while the shopkeeper is looking the other way. Your fellow customers will respect you more for this. Believe me, I’ve tried it myself!
- Groping the tomatoes might be customary in some parts of the Country, but not in others. Tread lightly, and ask first about local customs.
- Choosing the best potatoes can be trying at best. It is not recommended, throwing the bad ones over your shoulder. Think about those behind you.
- Verbal arguments with the shopkeeper are not advised. Try to keep your cool, present your best arguments, and run for the nearest exit if tempers begin to flare.
- If there is no other way out of your situation, and you are forcibly ejected from the store, kindly remind the shopkeeper, his employees and the local constabulary that it’s not about getting mad, but about getting even.
Remember to have the engine running, the car door open, and the license plate covered with a cloth, when making idle threats of this kind.
- If you end up being banned from all of your local grocers’, remember there is still something called ”The Internet”…..
Watch out for my next handy tip, ”How not to get blacklisted by Websites selling Produce”….