The Major Mountain Peaks of the Danish Alps

I have promised you a list of the names of the Major Peaks of the Danish Alps. It should be noted, at not all peaks are named, other than the historic, local names, often only in Danish. I’ve tried to research the background for these names, but not all Danes are willing to disclose their most treasured secrets to Foreigners, citing the codex of the Danish Underground Movement of WW2.

Here they are:

  1. The Twin Mystery Spires
  2. The Left Bank
  3. The Right Corner
  4. Mermaid Mountain
  5. Sky Mountain
  6. Adventure Mountain (also known as Storyteller Peak)
  7. Round Tower Peak
  8. The Pinnacles of the Large Belt Axis
  9. The Zealand Doldrums

Peaks 1-4 are between 4-5000 Meters, depending on the curvature of the Earth, The Solar Wind and the before mentioned Subduction Zone Effect.

Peak Number 5 is the Highest Point in Denmark with its lofty 5500 + Meters.

Peaks 6-8 are between 3-4000 Meters depending on your Political Views at the time.

Some might argue that “The Zealand Doldrums” don’t really belong on my list, due to the controversy concerning their right to be in the Danish Alps in the first place. The argument has been that the Doldrums lie so far out in the Eastern part of the Range, that they don’t really deserve to be in the “Alps”. The Doldrums are, otherwise, a rather largish group of non distinct peaklets, which have only one major high point. This Peak weighing in at a modest 3500 Meters sports a local name, Trælsø. I wouldn’t say that it was my first choice for climbing, but at some point in time, it might just merit my attention.

There you have it, the short version of a long Mountain Range. There are countess other Spires, Peaks and Bjergtops, but it would take a lifetime to name them all, due to the enormity of the task.

Now is a good time to dust off your Crampons, File the end of your Ice Axe, and make sure you have a good supply of European Union Approved Bio-Degradable Toilet Paper, and set off in search of Adventure.

Remember to use a bit of Danish while exploring this vast area. It’s always nice to impress the local population with your knowledge of the local language. Today’s word is “Vallerværk” and is used thusly, “Jeg laver valleværk når jeg klatrer.” which means “When I’m climbing, I really put my all into it!” Wait and see the response from the Danes you encounter. They will surely look upon you with a new respect.

Good Climbing!

Frosting the cake – Evil Spirits inhabit my kitchen

Evil Spirits in the kitchen. Need I say more?

I never was a cake man before. I always let my Wife make my cakes. Cakes to take to work, cakes for birthdays. She baked them all.

Suddenly, as if I were ‘subjunctive’ struck by lightning, I started baking cakes. I tried to healthy them up. I replaced sugar and oil with apple sauce. I made my own apple sauce, it being so easy to do. Cakes and muffins became so moist, tasting even better  the next day.

The Evil Spirits were about to strike, as I served my cake.

  • “Where is the frosting?”
  • There is no frosting, it doesn’t need frosting.
  • “I want frosting”. I still want frosting.
  • Try it without, you’ll like it
  • “Yes, you are right. It doesn’t need frosting”

I go about my business. Later on, I return to the kitchen for a piece of cake. It has frosting on it. I didn’t put frosting on it. It not only had white frosting, but brown as well.

Who has frosted my cake?   The Evil Spirits did it

  • Cake is not cake without frosting
  • Frosting will make a good cake better
  • Colored frosting is better than white frosting

No one will admit to knowing about the frosting.

Those Evil Spirits must be clever, having made the frosting, with the right consistency, not too dry, not too runny. Frosting made with powdered sugar is not easy to do, it can quickly go wrong.

  • Accept it and go about your business
  • Take a broader view and convince yourself it was right all along
  • Don’t accuse, judge or punish that what you don’t understand

There must be Evil Spirits in my kitchen.

Shoveling Coal

I think that shoveling coal would be fun to do. All right, your hands and clothes get a bit dirty, but think of it as aerobic exercise, or strength training. All that time shoveling coal, letting your mind float to distant places, humming a tune locked in your head.

Digging a ditch is another fun thing to do. Think of it like a journey through time, slicing through the layers of Geology, finding Dinosaur Bones and Prehistoric remains of early man. Ask your friends to join you. What are you and you and you doing today? Looking at your smartphones and tablets, whoa, that’s no fun. You can do that any day. Why not join the digging gang with me. We could sing something like “Working’ on the Railroad”. We could start off like singing a round, with the first man digging the dirt with shovel high, the next man (or woman) with it halfway up, the third with it still on the ground, waiting its turn.

Sweeping the road can also be a possibility. The satisfaction gained, by doing simple work is amazing. First from the middle of the street, then into the side. A friend can have just as much fun with a shovel, waiting to pick up your part. We can pretend we are workers on the WPA*. Let’s lean on our shovels, light a cigarette and wipe the sweat from our faces. “What do you think of Roosevelt?” That’s what all of us WPA* workers talk about. Shovels over our shoulders, on to the next street. Whistling a tune, thinking about dinner and a good night’s sleep. Fresh air and fellow workers, what more can a person ask for?

A runner whooshes by. Is that exercise? I’d rather shovel coal, dig a ditch or sweep the road. I’ve been sweating all day long. I’ve been together with my buddies, doing what we love. I don’t need to run, or lift weights, or pay somebody so I can sweat. I can do that all by myself.

Dinner at home with the Family. My muscles ache, but I feel good about it. It’s nice spending time with my Family, just shooting the breeze. What did they do today? What did they accomplish on this day in their lives? Did it work out, did it make them feel good afterwards?

The bed seems softer than ever before. I seem to float down upon the layers. My dog curls up beside me and falls asleep. Life has been good to me. My thoughts begin to fade. The night takes over. Dreaming again.

Dreaming of Shoveling Coal………

*Works Progress Administration

Creative Ideas with Coffee and Chili – part 1

I’ve been toying around with ideas on my 2 favorite types of food. Coffee and Chili. OK. I know that coffee is not a food, but it is an important addition to my daily routine.

Coffee needs to taste of something! A lot of people I know drink coffee because they need that “Cup of Joe” that “Wake up Call”, or something to get the rest of their system going. I drink coffee for the taste, and the darker the blend, the better. All these “Medium Roasts” don’t cut it for me. Medium Roast – Special Blend or Noire, makes them sound “dark”, but they are not so. I want my Coffee to be darker than the inside of a Cow, and if you know anything about Cows, then you know just what I’m talking about!

Chili on the other hand, needs to taste of Chili. I’ve bought a myriad of chili sauces that claim to be “Hot, or spicy hot, or perhaps Jalapeno hot”. But hot are they not, in Denmark anyway. I buy those smallish red chilies that are found in most grocery stores. I don’t need to show up on YouTube tasting the world’s hottest chili, or be dared by my friends to eat a mixture of painfully embarrassing chilies, just to show how many shades of blue my face can turn, just to be one of the crowd. I like to add chili to my soups and stews in order to spice up my life, as it were.

Recently, I’ve tried to combine these 2 things in order to increase my sensory experiences.

I started by adding chili to my Coffee. If those around me felt before that dark coffee was rather strongish in taste, they were now due for a new type of “Wake-Up Call”. I noticed that I shouldn’t breathe the aromas directly over the coffee machine, if I wasn’t ready to accept/endure the consequences. After a bout  of temporary blindness, I started to regain my sight again, and could see that the coffee was almost ready to be tasted. By accident, my Wife had turned off the lights in the kitchen, which didn’t really matter at this point in time, as the Coffee simply glowed red in the dark. I took my sturdiest mug and went into the fray.

The first impressions are the most important. The dark roast was the dominant flavor as I cautiously sipped the brew. There didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary, until I suddenly felt a change in my tasting experience. “Hot and dark” could be a sort of mantra that all young men would be using when thinking about the opposite sex, but my thoughts were not going in that direction. I couldn’t decide if I should eat something to dull the taste, or if I should throw caution to the winds, and down the rest all at once?

My life began to flash before my eyes and I felt my body floating up towards the heavens. This might just be some sort of out of body experience, or a “seeing God” type of moment, but I remembered that it was, after all, just spicy Coffee, or Coffee that knew someone, or “My name is Coffee, what are you doing for dinner tonight?” I guess, I should have lit a cigarette to finish the moment, but as I don’t smoke, it did seem a bit too much trouble, just to explain my Coffee experience.

I do recall a similar experience many years ago, with something that was illegal then, but more legal now. I wouldn’t want the rest of you to mistake my blog as an invitation to do something on the less than legal side, because all that I am doing, is to find words to explain my Coffee-Chili concoction.

That was the one way, with Chili in Coffee, but I’ll save the reverse way for my next blog.

“Here’s looking up your old address!, or Cheers with Coffee, for want of a better phrase……”

Climbing in the Danish Alps

A lifelong dream is about to come true, a trail is planned to be constructed traversing the entire length of the Danish Alps as they wind their way from the German Border ending just short of the beaches of Skagen in the North.

This rugged backbone has hindered generations of climbers with its lofty spires, treacherous glaciers and oft occurring avalanches. An initiative has brought together the necessary funding necessary to construct this trail, calling on both Business Denmark as well as the Common Man to help out.

I have had the wish for many years now to climb this geographic division, which divides the West Coast from the East. Dialects are spoken on each side of this mighty range, with each group not being able to understand the other. Wars were fought over the right to call it one’s own, but even though one side claimed victory, there was still no conquering the pinnacles and the spires of the uppermost crest of the range.

On many occasions the actual summits of this range are shrouded in clouds, showing just how difficult it will be when the trail is finally constructed.

I have attempted, at one time, to ascend the mighty Sky Mountain, by the Ejer Bavnehøj glacial route, but was beaten back by numerous rockfalls, snow avalanches and loss of vision due to the biting cold. I chided myself for not hiring the necessary Swedish Sherpas, which are regarded as the best support group in the whole of Scandinavia, but I thought I could traverse the knife-edge on my own. The maps of the area were sketchy at best with the cross-country trails disappearing into the unfinished parts of the map.

The highest point is estimated to be over 5000 meters, but due to recent tectonic activity, this figure is left to speculation. It’s never easy dealing with the Danish Tectonic Plate and subsequent Subduction Zone which has baffled Scientists for years with its rapid movement. Maps are constantly under review due to the changing altitudes, made worse by the enormous quantities of iron in the core of the Subduction Zone which renders all GPS devices useless.

Local officials, however, are excited at the find of the newest mineral, “Dantite” and will be discussing the uses of it for years to come. No one in their wildest dreams expected such an item to be found, and it most surely will win the Danish Discoverer of this mineral, Knud Olaf Jensen, to be the next recipient of next year’s Noble Science Prize.

I will soon be establishing my own Web Site and Blog detailing the names of the known peaks and the possible climbing routes in Part 2 of this exciting series.

Here is a rare photo taken in the early days of photography of the Danish Alps

danish alps

It was a photo like this one which first whet my appetite for this forbidden range.

Remember when exploring the Danish Alps to use the common greeting, “Aw for katten, det gjorde ondt”, showing how much local knowledge you actually possess when exploring this exciting natural area in the North of Europe.

Humble Pie – A Recipe for Success

A lot of you probably have heard about Humble Pie, but have never tried to make it before. I have had personal experience with Humble Pie and would like to share my list important procedures leading you to an ending of your just deserve.

A common mistake is to consider Humble Pie the same as the French Dish: Faux Pas.

Faux Pas is usually served after an initial error in judgement, usually occurring with incorrect placement of the classic knife-fork-spoon triad. Faux Pas will be covered in a Future Blog, but should not be considered the Alpha and Omega of the Processes initiated by Humble Pie.

Humble Pie is structured thusly:

  1. making the pie
  2. receiving criticism
  3. considering the consequences
  4. weighing the possibilities
  5. choosing sides
  6. unlocking the gun case (if available)
  7. hiding the family in the secret room under the floor
  8. breaking out the window glass and readying your bullet-proof vest
  9. initializing proper placement of your gas mask
  10. sending out your manifesto on YouTube
  11. calling your Mother and Father (if still applicable) and thanking them for this moment
  12. gritting your teeth, waiting for the first trip-wires to be activated
  13. lock and load – This is Your moment of Glory!

I wish to apologize for those of you who have inadvertently wandered onto the radical version of Humble Pie. This should have been called, ”The Humble Pie Manifesto – Bullets Cost Bucks”.

The True Humble Pie, cooking version – will be coming in a future blog…..

The Onion Chronicles – Lost, Maybe, Found – Epilogue

Well today my onions found redemption.

I’ll have to admit, though, that my non-onion soup has been made today. Non-onion soup was made with potatoes, cabbage and (sigh) leeks.

Leeks, although onion-like, are not onions! They should be classified as onion wanna-bees, onion (not)look-a likes, dreaming of onions, but failing. I’m sorry leeks, you are not onions, no matter how hard you try.

I thought about the TV-series, “The Fugitive”. The original one with David Janssen. He searched, no not for onions, but the one-armed man who killed his wife. Just think of it searching 5 years for onions, I mean the man who killed his wife.

Finally he caught up with him on the Danish island of Samsø, home of potatoes and onions. He was vindicated and was allowed to return to being Dr Richard Kimble enjoying his potato and onion soup – Danish style.

That was justice!

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