Posted in Stories, Stories - Summer

Who Done It? A Summer Mystery – Part 8

She wanted us to return where we started out. She wanted us to wipe the slate clean, as if she could wipe out the countless affairs with unnamed men, across the Country, the Continent, the Globe!

“Colonel Mustard”, she began in a rather formal way. “I would like, wait a minute”, she said without warning. “Just what is your first name?”

I would have thought that any woman would have known the answer to that question, when she was in the throes of passion, and needed to call out her lover’s name when the journey had reached its end!

“It’s not really the end of the journey”, she said. “You might have reached the destination, but there were still sights to see, while being there. Take your time and visit all of the high points while there. Don’t run away until I say so, because I am better acquainted with the duration, which your visit should be, so don’t be a stranger and run out of town!”

When she explained that to me, I had to think about it for a while, but in the end I assumed that  it again was a double entendre, which only she knew the real meaning of.

Now it was getting to be rather personal, with us using first names and all. I could only hazard a guess, what her name was, but any number of Harlots, mentioned in the literature of our time, were the first names that came to my mind. Being the gentleman that I was, I chose not to drift into innuendo, and decided to let the lady speak for herself.

“Oh, Colonel.” She said suddenly in a coy way, batting her eyelashes and drawing forth a red-colored fan, which she needed to cool her blushing cheeks.

I had no other choice but to bow down in a stately manner and address her as the prim and proper woman that now stood before me, as pure as the winter snow, and as demure. I admit to having a certain weakness for the opposite sex, and there was no exception to the rule in the case of Miss Scarlett.

She chose that moment to withdraw to the Sitting Room, where her Lady’s Companion was waiting to entertain her with pleasant conversation about the allowance, she was expecting to receive in accordance with her new position.

I decided to lean against the mantle, and observe the flames in the fireplace, while smoking fine Cuban Cut Cigars, and enjoying a large glass of Whiskey. I was rather pleased in knowing Miss Scarlett, and continued to be amazed by her wealth of worldly information and knowledge of a myriad of topics. I was just about to stoke the fire a bit more, when there came a scream from the adjacent room – The Sitting Room to be exact, where my love, the Fabulous Miss Scarlett was last known to be.

With the hot poker still in my hand, I burst into the room to find the lifeless body of Miss Scarlett’s Lady Companion on the floor, still clutching her laced handkerchief, while Miss Scarlett was bending over her, with a jagged piece of glass in her hand.

“Good God Miss Scarlett, what has happened?”

“Oh, Colonel, something dreadful has just occurred.” She noticed the Red Hot Poker in my hand and started to giggle uncontrollably. “Oh, Colonel. You shouldn’t have! You really know how to come to the point, I must say!”

I placed the poker in the fireplace and fell to the ground to listen for her breathing, or feel for a pulse from the lifeless companion. “Is she?”….The color disappeared from Miss Scarlett’s face, leaving only a soft pink glow on her cheeks.

“Yes. I’m afraid she is no more!” Covering her face with my handkerchief, concealing the look of terror on her pretty face. The last look that she’d ever have of her cursed existence on this planet.

“Miss Scarlett, can you explain how this happened?”

Her painted red lips started to move, but no sound came from them. Suddenly she swooned into my arms, forcing me to carry her unconscious form into the Study away from this most terrible of all scenes. I held her hand while fanning her face, hoping that her attack was not of the fatal kind, and she soon would return to the realm of the living and breathing once again. I got up and poured myself a new glass of whiskey, before I re-entered the Sitting Room, where the body still lay on the carpet.

Rotten luck for Miss Scarlett, if this incident is leaked out to the papers, I mumbled to myself, while reaching for the nearby telephone. “Operator, Give me the police. This is an emergency!” Within an hour the local police were on the scene, taking statements, pounding the pavement, and questioning me from the bottom of my Wellies to the top of my Safari Hat, which by the way wasn’t the most gentlemanly thing to have on while in the house, but then you never know when a charging Rhino might pop up and need to be blasted to Kingdom Come? No self respecting Big White Game Hunter would be caught dead without his Safari Hat on, while attending to the odd Rhino charge or two. It just wasn’t Cricket doing things like that.

The detective in charge, with the tough sounding name of Malloy, didn’t accept my explanation, despite having been in the most trustworthy positions before. “Anyone might have murder in their hearts!” he said, as if we went through the Mansion with ropes, blackjacks, revolvers,etc. with our only aim to kill each other off, one by one….

As he approached the door to the Sitting Room, I hastened to throw a body block on Malloy, stopping him from reaching the door knob Tout de Suite. “Outta my way, he bellowed”, and pulled a gun out of his pocket, aiming it toward my heart, as if I were the criminal here!

“I would advise you to move it 2 more inches to the right, otherwise you might miss”, speaking to him as if we were playing a friendly game of Snooker in the Game Room.

I opened the door gently so as not to disturb Miss Scarlett, when I noticed that her lifeless form, had somehow recovered from its state of swooning, and had exited the room through 2 locked doors, that is locked from the outside.

“Just where did you say she was,?” Malloy asked, while searching the room from top to toe. “There is no one here, not a trace”, he said while looking at me. Or did you just make up that story to shift the blame from yourself?”

I never experienced such impertinence in my whole life! If he hadn’t been a member of the law, I would have thrashed him within an inch of his life, speaking to a man decorated by his Majesty, George VI himself, for duties performed above and beyond the call of duty. I wasn’t about to let this upstart try to sully my name after what I had done in service to our Country at the battlefields of the last 2 wars!

I took forth my walking stick and held it at arm’s length between the Blighter and myself, forcing him to face the wall, where I blindfolded him and tied his hands, but loosely. I then made my getaway through the secret passage behind the bookcase. I needed to prove the innocence of both myself as well as that of Miss Scarlett, before I would face the consequences of this most daring and in some ways, cowardly act.

In the corridor behind the bookcase, I espied a thread belonging to the type of dress, that Miss Scarlett was accustomed to wear. I held my  hand before my eyes, as I rounded the corner, lest I found her in a state of undress, which is not fitting for a gentleman as myself to be privy to, unless being motioned into her Boudoir in the dead of night, when our passions were set alight by her fiery  emotions.

It seemed rather dark, as I entered into the next room, so throwing caution to the wind, I lowered my hand in search of the light switch which would aid and assist me in this most noble task of finding my love. The illumination was so intense that I was momentarily blinded, so that my first impressions were not trustworthy if retold in a court of law. At second glance, I saw the lovely Miss Scarlett loosely bound at the wrists, sitting in an unladylike position on the cold stone floor. Opposite her was a man who seemed rather familiar to me, but whose true identity was to be kept secret as he bludgeoned me on the head, with a Semi-automatic pistol of which the manufacturers name was lost due to my most ill timed unconsciousness.

I must admit to crying out in pain,which never would have happened if I had been run over by a herd of Wildebeests, but then this was not Africa after all, so the circumstances have altered the equation a bit. Miss Scarlett was sobbing quietly telling me how she still didn’t know my first name, but it really didn’t matter if we were about to be fed to the wolves, or foxes as the case might be. We found ourselves bound to each other, which wasn’t as bad as you might think, if you had felt the soft and warm skin of the woman of my dreams, as I did in that difficult situation.

“Oh Colonel. I’ve always dreamed about us sharing a special moment like this, bound by ropes and promises of a night of passion together!” I could smell her perfume and imagined rubbing my hand along her silky legs, thus activating the animal passions of two hot lovers caught in the nets before the wild animals tore us limb from limb. “Oh Colonel, she said while biting my ear and digging her long, red fingernails into my back, while I attempted to loosen the ropes that bound us together.”

“Be kind to me Colonel”, she whispered hoarsely into my ear, as her nails dug deeper into my skin. “Treat me gently”, she said while I just about had managed to remove the ropes between us, twisting her around to face me, with her slapping me hard, saying” We were so close to the final act…..So close indeed…..”

She pulled a cigarette out of her handbag and asked for a light. “You didn’t get to the end of the journey”, she said. “You might have reached the destination, but there were still sights to see, while being there. Take your time and visit all of the high points while there. Don’t run away until I say so, because I am better acquainted with the duration, which your visit should be, so don’t be a stranger and run out of town!”

I just looked at her and wondered what her part in this heinous crime really was? Was she a victim, or was she the murderess? Who was the man in the Secret Room? What roll did he play in the crime?

We need to hide out while I think this one through, I told her when she was nearly done with her cigarette. I need to find some answers, and you need to stay close to me while I do so.

“Oh Colonel. How close do you want me to be?” Batting her eyelashes once again.

“The length of our lips will do for a start”, I told her with a smile. Although I still didn’t know what her first name was.

There was time for that.

That and other things…..

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in California, Travel

Biding My Time

Hi there. Remember me?

I’ve just been spending some quality time in California, wrestling alligators, and hunting the elusive Almond.

Never netted an Almond before?

How about panning for Gold in a dry stream?

My Lord, haven’t you done anything in life?

I might as well be speaking to my children, who don’t believe that their parents have experienced anything in life, probably just waiting around to have kids, so they can experience life to its fullest!

I’ve been trying to convince myself that $5 is really not that expensive, but my better judgement and a delay of 16 years tells me otherwise. I think it is some sort of Mantra: $5 is not expensive, not expensive, not, not, not.

I would rather revel in the fact that the “Doggy Bag” is alive and well in the Golden State, just in Styrofoam, and most likely filled with leftover Mexican Food.

If this is not interesting at all, then I would suggest a bit of Streaming, or Shopping on Amazon, or whatever young(er) people do these days to occupy their time with.

Lean back with a cold compress on your forehead, and imagine me here in the Golden State, collecting material to enthrall and entertain with, while you catch a few zzzs, and dream of something pleasant in technicolor, no less.

Just thought, I’d break your thoughts a bit. Bye again, for now.

Posted in Relationships, Stories, Stories - Summer

The Cancellation of Summer – Travels Part 11

“Nettle Cakes!” That’s what she said to me one day, while we were traveling by bus along the Baltic Coast.

I wasn’t sure if it was a term of endearment, which she applied to me, thus professing our affection for each other?

“Nettle Soup with a pinch of Ground Elder!”

“Nettle Pancakes with that extra stinging flavor!”

OK. I guess, she was talking about something other than me, which brought me back down to earth, sitting on that tattered bus seat looking out of the window at the fields of strawberries that surrounded the bus, seemingly on all sides.

“Put your hands in the air!” The local pickers said to the passengers, separating the women and children from the able bodied men in the crowd. “Do as you are told and no one will get blisters!” He sounded like he meant it, as the other workers distributed the baskets to the waiting men in the bus. “I want you to pick those berries, like you’ve never done before, not leaving one red devil left in sight!”

“What are you mumbling about?” she asked me, as I woke up from my Strawberry Nightmare Number 56. “Oh nothing. Nothing at all”, wiping the rest of the berry pulp from my mouth and trying to conceal my blisters from her. The truth is never easy to accept, is it?

The road seemed to open up once again, allowing the bus to make its way to the next town. A myriad of vegetable and fruit stands lined the street, with their vendors hawking the strawberries as if they were picked for free.” I’m still watching you”, said one of the vendors to me, under his breath, while my chance companion on the road, shot me questioning glances about our apparent knowledge of each others existence. “Do you know that man?” she asked as he disappeared into the crowds, making me turn toward her, shrugging my shoulders with the statement”probably just imagined it, you did” as we boarded the bus once again, with baskets of freshly picked Strawberries.

Nettle Smoothies and Nettle Compresses.

Nettle this and Nettle that! My hands begun to sting with the thought of picking such things out in the wild.

“It is all and good with fresh strawberries”, she said while balancing one on her tongue, “but to save money, we should be out in the wild, picking our own food. For Free!” She then made me aware of the rules of foraging: take only what you need for yourself, leave something for others, never pull the plants up by the root, etc. She seemed well versed in the subject of foraging, which of course never seemed to amaze me from such a chance companion on the road with elegantly painted toenails to boot!

She motioned the bus driver to pull over to the side of the road, so we could begin our first attempt at foraging free food for our Summer Repast. I argued that I didn’t feel that a mere Repast was enough to satisfy my appetite after a vigorous day of strawberry and nettle picking, making her eyebrows go up once again, while I was kicking myself over my Faux Pas!

“It seems like you take a lot of False Steps around me”, she said looking deeply into my wayward eyes. “It was just a slip of the tongue”, I said not wanting to explain about being taken hostage by the Strawberry Mafia, and being made to pick to their heart’s content! I just wondered if Nettles would indeed cover my dietary needs for the day, what with our Nocturnal Activities and the like, said while looking hopeful that if said in that way, that she would  want to lay me down in a bed of Nettles, and sooth my blistery hands?

“It seems like you think that your poetic license is going to be your Carte Blanche for spending the night with me and my favors, without having proved yourself in the fields of Nettles, and your supposed talents there of!”

I got the feeling that she was not to be trifled with, and that I needed to prove myself worthy before I would be asking her father for her hand in marriage!

“Are he worthy of you, daughter o’ mine”, said her father, while I waited patiently in the horse-drawn carriage outside of her house. “I know not of his Nettle deeds, father, nor if he be a good provider for me and my many virtues”, gathering her dress up around her legs, and tightening her blouse as if the Virtue’s Stealer was outside waiting and expecting to take what is rightfully his, and shout to the heavens with unbridled joy!

“Are you wanting to ask my father something?” She said waking me out of my Dreams. If I’d known that, I’d have given him a call, but God only knows which of the 7 Seas, he is sailing upon right now, sighting out across the Baltic, hoping to see his ship in the distance, sending a red flare, or a smoke signal from the beach of a nearby Tropical Island. “I don’t see him, do you?” She asked, as if I could see ships that weren’t there containing fathers who may or may not be on this side of the globe! “No. Nary a sight of him”, I said turning my attention toward my Nettle Gathering once again.

She said that we needed to breathe in the moment, and not let our thoughts be sullied by impure Nettle Thoughts, which meant gathering of Nettles was to be done by hand and not with the use of gloves. I began to realize that this was some sort of religious experience for her, and that I should be honored to have been chosen to participate in the ritual gathering of Baltic Nettles for the first time in my lowly life.

“Dance with me”, she said. completely unexpected and not without a bit of reservation, not knowing exactly how that fit into the Nettle Gathering Ritual. “Dance the Nettle Dance in the Moonlight”, she said as she swirled about barefooted in the Nettle Beds, almost in a trance like state of ecstasy and delight.

And so there we were, dancing in the Moonlight just us two and the Nettles, which didn’t seem to mind our presence the one way or the other, either picking or dancing! That was OK by me, having drunk of the Nectar of My Chance Companion on the Road and her Essence, not wanting anything else, than to be together with her, no matter where our roads would take us….

The next day’s sunrise found us on a bed of Nettles, still enraptured by the events of the night past. “Did you feel it?”, she asked me, the first moment after her eyes had opened. “Did you feel the energy flow last night?” “I did, I told her”. I felt a lot of things, but I think some of them were numbed by the numerous Nettle Stings which now covered my body, not wanting anyone else to come close to me, or else I might find less than charitable things to say about them. She seemed unscathed by the events of the Moonlight Nettle Dance, which told me that this had not been a virginal experience for her, as it had been for me!

She looked at me and asked, “Do you still respect me?” to which I could only nod in agreement for fear that saying something else would result in another night of Nettle Dancing, thus ruining this once in a lifetime event for the both of us! “It was indeed a special event”, she said to me  with an endless smile on her face. “It surpassed my initial Nettle Initiation growing up in Sept-Îles, Québec, and I’m glad that this time it was with you!”

I could see that this Summer still had plenty of surprises for the two of us, in our travels along the roads and trails of our memories. I felt that Springtime had faded over any number of hills, and was no longer viable as a place that I would want to return to, at least not alone with my Nettle-less self!

Respect her! Silly question. How could I not respect her after an experience like that. Before we went on our way, I hid the remaining Strawberry baskets in the nearby bushes, hoping that they would still be there if again the bus was surrounded by Strawberry Fields. You just never know what might happen in Estonia!

But then, no one does…..

 

 

 

Posted in Denmark, Stories

Wind Blown Leaves

“Hello. Hello in there.”

Someone has happened by this site, peering into the darkened windows.

“Hello. Is anyone at home.”

No one answers. You’d think there might be a Blog Scrap lying about, but no.

The traveler has been delayed, otherwise he would have been here yesterday. Flight delays, bus delays, delayed thoughts, delayed intentions.

He reads the sign on the door: “To whom it may concern”

An jet airliner screams overhead. Taking off to points unknown.

“Lucky dog”, he mumbles to himself. Wish it were me….

He glances about, looking for something to open up the site again.

Only promises and dreams seem to remain. There isn’t a crack to wedge open, or pry the best of the worst out of the forlorn-looking site.

“Hello” the word echoes once again.

The reply comes echoing “Goodbye for now, Goodbye”….

Posted in California, Canada, Denmark, Travel

Out of Town

If you hadn’t noticed. I’ve left town!

That is if you are reading this on Sunday the 4th of September, 2016. Where am I some might ask? Somewhere between here and there, not any particular place, but in motion above land masses.

Who is the caretaker while I’m gone?

Who is writing the blogs?

Who is watching the likes from Canada?

Back in 3 weeks, or so…..

Posted in Relationships, Stories, Stories - Summer

An Unforgettable Summer Night

It’s a funny thing, now that I think about it, being a bit forgetful, but more than that is no laughing matter.

As I lie in bed, I wondered what day it was? I tried to think back to what I did yesterday, but it was just as blank as today seemed to be.

When I rolled over in bed, a stranger lay next to me. I nearly jumped out of my skin”Hey, What are you doing there?”

“I had been sleeping,” she said, “but not anymore.”

She just kept staring at me. “What’s the matter Sleepy Head, cat got your tongue?”

It did. It did have my tongue, but my next question was, Did I have a cat?

I excused myself, and wrapped the blanket around my body, lest the poor woman was subjected to something too terrible to stomach, so early in the morning! I went into the adjoining room, and…

And what? I wasn’t even sure what was in the next room, or for that matter, if there were other rooms on the other side? I began to think that someone was pulling my leg, or I had been to some sort of Stag Party, where I had drunk a bit too much, or. Or that woman in the bed was my wife? Or was she my best friend’s wife, or his Girlfriend, who was a bit tipsy after the party, and I offered to drive her home?

Then one thing led to another, and…What if she is pregnant? No. Steady now. It was just a woman, that’s all. I should take things,one step at a time.

I looked around for some telltale signs of where I might be, but nothing looked familiar. I wasn’t even sure if I was in my own house, or hers?

I decided to go back to her, and ask for an explanation. I was sure that would jog my memory, and I could remember, who I was!

The troubles continued, when I returned to the bedroom. She wasn’t there. The only thing that I found was a short note, which said, “Thank you for an unforgettable Summer Night!”, signed…The name was blurred, and I couldn’t see any other sign of her, other than the impression left upon the mattress on “her” side of the bed.

Not knowing what else to do, I decided to get dressed and look around the house, trying to see where I was and why. It seemed like the house was up on a mountain, but only when I looked out of the front door. Out of the side windows, there was a flowery meadow filled with sedges and cattails. I thought that she might have gone that way, but I cannot say why. I climbed out of the window and sank down into the soft meadow bottom, my weight taking me farther than I had expected.

When I turned around, the house was gone, but I’m sure it was there just before now. Not possessing a watch, I couldn’t say what now was, or before now either? The columbines swayed in the wind, but not escaping from the beating fury of the humming bird wings. I chose my path carefully not wanting to sink down into the muddy ooze, rich in iron and water skaters. They seemed to line up, almost like hands on a compass, pointing in the direction where I now was headed, then skating away on their surface tension feet. Not like my feet.

At the edge of the meadow the ground was drier, with more definition in the small paths between the dwarf Willows, which grew more profusely on this side of the meadow. The size of the plants, told me that I was in the Northern Latitudes, or high up on some mountain, but still not being able to remember where that would be, or how I would know that to be true.

First the meadow, then the hard ground, giving way to the forest. My feet spoke to the pine needles that littered the forest floor, speaking together like old friends, who hadn’t seen each other in ages and ages, only to be reunited once again. At last! They seemed to say to one another, without knowing exactly why they had been apart, or why for that matter they had found one another again!

I had the feeling that someone was watching me, so I turned around slowly but deliberately, looking, waiting and listening.

“I’ve been looking for you”, a voice echoed in my mind. I looked into the darkness of the forest, wanting to go in, but not knowing why. “Come in. Come in.”

I did, as I was told, but more that what I wanted to do. The coolness of the forest, rejected all thoughts of my Summer Intentions, making me think that Autumn was a more likely candidate, for this once so lovely Summer Day. The thickness of the branches tore at my hair and clothing making it hard to see, where I thought I came from and where I was going to.

A clearing in what might have been the heart of the forest, opened up allowing the feeble sunlight to fall upon my thoughts, making me feel like the Summer had returned, at least for the moment that I was in that clearing. The birds tweeted and flew up to the treetops, swirling around like my thoughts had done, so many times during this most unforgettable day.

I began to wonder why my path had led me here, and where that here might be, but I was suddenly interrupted by the calling of a bird, or a rustling of the underbrush when a deer passed by, not wanting to disturb me, or she it. Something beckoned me towards it, not knowing what, but it wasn’t something that I wanted to fear. It was a gentle, breeze, warm in its thoughts of its origins, and not having to question why I had journeyed to this place, or why I would want to leave it again.

“Come closer” it seemed to say, but in my mind, it was she who was calling out to me. I still didn’t know who she was, or more importantly, what I was to her, but I knew that all my questions would be answered, when I finally reached the edge of the meadow once again. I had been certain that my course had been in a straight line, leading me away from the meadow, but when I emerged once again from the memory of the forest, my best intentions of being a pathfinder, were not as successful as I had thought, as I found myself at the edge of the meadow once again.

In the near distance, I saw the window, which I had climbed out of so many hours before, with it still in the open position, as no one had chosen to close it after me. I imagined that I saw her footprints in the soft peat of the meadow edge, brushing up against the edge of the house, as if it were a tight embrace of two amorous lovers.

I again found myself in the house, but when looking back behind me, there was nothing to see of the meadow and the forest, as if they had been eaten by time itself.

I sensed her presence, by the scent of her perfume, leading me towards her room once again. I knew it was her room without wanting to ask why, but knowing all the same it to be true.

As I entered the room once again, the air around me warmed telling me that Summer had indeed been the season of the hour, being just as unforgettable as her hands upon my skin.

She was in the same position in bed, as when I woke up beside her. I climbed under the covers and closed my eyes…..

“What’s the matter Sleepy Head, cat got your tongue?” I just looked at her, wondering why she looked so damn good in the morning, and why I was lucky enough to have found someone like her?

“I had a dream”, I said slowly and surely. “A dream where I had lost my memory, and who you were, and where I was going.”

She just smiled and said, “Were you in a forest, where a deer went by, and you thought that Summer was over and done with?”

“Yes. Yes, I cried. You mean that it wasn’t a dream after all?” I looked at my feet to see if the sap from the pine needles still was clinging to the edges of my memory…

“No. It was a dream, but it was a dream that I dreamed, not you. When I woke up, you were gone, but I went out of the house, through the window to a meadow, then to a forest, then…..”

“But that didn’t matter”, she said, stopping herself from taking us into that forest, into the clearing, and beyond.

“It was just something I dreamed”, she said. “Nothing but a Summer Dream……”

 

 

Posted in Canada, Life, Relationships

In a Relationship?

I feel that Facebook wants too much of me. Details about my personal life, like who I am sleeping with, does she wear socks to bed, and why I haven’t popped the question as yet.

Do my 9 friends really care about those things? I could care less, if they were in a relationship, unless of course I was one of those people!

Look here:

fb describe

OK I guess, they didn’t ask questions that were that personal! Perhaps they have just been rolling about in my brain, wanting the world to know of them?

A particular person in Canada, wants to know, why I haven’t announced my relationship with a woman, she calls my wife! Not everyone can accept that kind of talk, and there might be trouble ahead for Ms Montréal!

I might have to come clean and admit to being in a relationship, but how far should I go with details? Does FB ask for those details?

  • How long have you known this person?
  • Is it serious?
  • Does your wife know about her?
  • Is she your wife?

I like it better, not revealing my personal details, but that also has its downside. Only having my date of birth, it seems a bit limited about which ads appear on my site. “Women over 50 are waiting for you, just down the block!” “Russia is closer than you think!” “Want to talk about your feelings with a Real Dane?”

I thought the woman, who lives with me in an undisclosed relationship, was a Dane! Perhaps, I should check if she is wearing socks to bed, or why in the world did I pop the question all those years ago?

All right, Ms Montréal, your turn. Socks or no socks. The big question, or not. In a relationship, or just sleeping around for fun?

Hard questions. Hard answers.

I’m glad, I haven’t revealed my true self as yet!

I’m still looking for it…….

 

Posted in California, Life, Relationships

Just Like Sweet Sue, Under the Christmas Tree

I used to ask for things that I knew, I never would get.

I worked at a store in California with a woman named Sue. She was rather unpleasant, a bit on the rough and raunchy side, and would have rolled Hells Angel’s members for their lunch money!

Another woman, named Lisa was something of an artist. She heard my pleas about wanting Sue, not really, wrapped up like a present under the Christmas Tree.

The days went by, and Christmas began to close in on me. Lisa came to me one day with a rolled up piece of paper, tied with a bow, and a “Merry Christmas” card attached.

“Open it”.

I obliged, not knowing what to expect. If Lisa had proposed marriage at that point in time, I would have said “Yes”, or at least would have accepted the Honeymoon as Consolation Prize!

Inside there was a painting of a Christmas Tree, and underneath nestled among the many presents, was Sue! Sue in her birthday suit, sporting a red ribbon smack dab where her face would have been!

“Oh, Sue. My Sue. Sue was the stuff that men dreamed of.”

-But all these years later, I only have my nightmares to remember her by…….

Posted in Life, Relationships

Buy a Dog, Rent Some Kids

Why be like everyone else? House in the Suburbs, New car. The right neighbors.

Friends coming over? Gosh, I haven’t seen them for ages. The problem is that I don’t have a husband, a house, a dog or kids!

Cars can be rented, why not everything else?

I’m not the bragging type, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that I want them to feel good about the choices that they made in life.

They are probably asking themselves: Did I make the right choices? Is my husband cheating on me? Why don’t the kids listen to me? When are we ever going to pay off the mortgage?

I kind of like the idea about renting a dog. The kids need to be well behaved and tight lipped. The husband thing is hard to imagine, even for me. How many years should we have been married? Is he going to hit on my friends? Did I choose correctly, way back when?

It seems way too complicated on such short notice. Perhaps we could meet in a neutral place, a wellness spa, or getaway resort!

The kids are at the Grandparents. The dog is in the kennel. My understanding and sexy husband is minding the house while I am gone. Cleaning and the like.

Happy? Sure I am. When you attain what I have, then you’ll be happy as well!

Why is the rental agency paging me on the loudspeakers?

What have I rented?…………….You’d be surprised!

Posted in Dogs, Denmark, Travel

No More References to Another Site

Wonder Dog is not being allowed to post from the Travel Site to this one any longer.

“Those that want the truth about traveling”, should look here:

“Traveling Down My Inner Ear”, or will have to be satisfied with the older site, this one, with it’s lesser daring, and devil may care approach than the new one.

Lost yet? I am, and I haven’t even left for the States yet!